i am the deaf boy in this world, living life with a broken warranty trying to make sense of adulthood, trying to find my own. i frown at the man who feels he needs to shout louder for me to hear? I smile at catching someone's eye across the room. I am tantalizing mixture of Swedish/American with equal beautiful flaws. I am not perfect, and frankly my dear, i don't aim to be.

My greatest asset is my son, he is my world, my beginning and my end. He defines me. no- one else. Being a great dad is sort of an amorphous concept, something that’s easy to say but really hard to visualize. But I think, more than anything else, being a great dad is about being fully present for my son. To be open to him by listening to him, setting boundaries for him and teaching my mini me the lessons of life that I’ve learned along the way. He helds my hand and together we are a team. Surrounded with the foundation of love and understanding, a connection which is strong. lost in laughter, tears, private jokes, morning cuddles, runny noses, playful tears and endless joy. He enriches my life like no other. I am blessed.

to be a good man in life one must overcome his fears, to struggle and overcome any thing that stands in his way, to be a good father, to be a good son,
to be his own man
to live free
to die old

That is my goal. Tomorrow is a new day. I will not burden myself with worry and anxiety. I will not search for acceptance. I will live for pleasure. If the crowd that I carry doesn’t support me I will stop associating with nonsupporters. If something makes me upset or uncomfortable, I won’t do it anymore. I want to live for my happiness and not for the happiness of others.

My heart is open and im here to see if i can find my shorty, my boo. is she here, who knows, yet i am open enough to admit i'm not here to play games or have small talk. i want it all. So reader here is my invitation:

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.