I don't know much of anything about Internet dating, and I'm not sure this is the place for me to be. So, why am I here, you ask? Well, you know how you can't peruse profiles until you make one of your own, right? I bit the bullet and reluctantly created one. I'm somewhat glad I did, if for no other reason than to verify that attractive, single women who aren't taken truly do exist! I was starting to wonder!

If you're reading this, I'm assuming you must not have found my profile picture altogether revolting. And that's fine with me, because I purposely didn't pick out a "good" picture to post here. A lot of people take great pains to use pictures that are taken from just the right angle, just the right lighting conditions... and are probably a decade old. I'm not going to bother doing that. This is what I look like, for better or for worse. Besides, I learned a long time ago that I was never going to be one of those guys that women swoon and faint over as soon as they enter a room. Just as well, I suppose. It forced me to develop a personality.

Still reading? Okay, here's a few more things about me;

I'm a born and bred Michigan guy, having lived here my entire life. I wish I could say it's because I LOVE the state so much, but the truth is my parents had sex here and I'm too lazy to move. I live with my hetero life mate, Monte the Cat, in a bachelor pad not far from where I grew up. You can stop by if you want to, but give me a heads up so I can run the vacuum, pick up empty cans and things like that.

-I like to claim I'm a freelance "writer," but that's only because it sounds better than "bum". I do have a day job, however, which I actually somewhat enjoy.

-When people ask me why I'm single, I ask them how many times they've been divorced. If they say "none," I generally get down on one knee and propose.
But then I screw myself over because I don't have a ring to give. Dammit.

-I mentioned my cat already, and yes, I'm a "cat person." People hear me say that sometimes and they assume I don't like dogs. Not true! I love dogs, but my personality is better suited to a cat. I think it's because a cat has never bitten me on the ass for no apparent reason. Just saying.

-When I was a kid, I'd get really pissed off if somebody referred to my toys as "dolls". I didn't play with any dolls, I played with "action figures". That's right, ACTION FIGURES, dammit. There's a big difference.

-I'm a ham. I enjoy performing in plays, doing karaoke and making a spectacle of myself in general. But while I love to be the center of attention onstage, I try my best to not be noticed otherwise. It's just one of my *many* personal contradictions.

-I know an obscene amount of movie dialogue and song lyrics which I will quote at the drop of a hat, complete with character voices and everything. Some people find this really amusing, some people find it supremely irritating. Don't tempt me. I'll do twenty minutes of Rocky III dialogue right now, swear to God.

-I didn't vote for Obama. I didn't vote for McCain. I voted for Jack Tripper.

-I wish I knew how to play the piano. Curse my parents for giving me smaller hands!

-I'm a sucker for any woman that will make peanut butter cookies for me.

-I suppose I probably need some more pictures for my profile. The trouble is, no one can usually capture me on camera unless I've had copious amounts of alcohol first. Besides, I figure that I'm not improving with age.

-This office chair is making my ass numb.

I'm not overly optimistic about finding my soul mate on this site (assuming soul mates actually exist). From what I hear, every single woman on Plenty of Fish gets approximately 14 trillion e-mail messages per day from horny, pathetic guys. And yeah, guys ARE pathetic. If I was a woman, I'm positive I'd be a lesbian. But I digress...

I don't really have a "type" of woman that I like, at least not physically.
I'm attracted to wit, brains and a great, somewhat sarcastic sense of humor. Age and appearance are VERY far down my list in terms of importance.
But I'm helpless against a great smile...

So, there you have it. I'll put this out there with no expectations whatsoever and see what happens. And if I happen to make a new friend or two (and nothing more), it'll be more than worth it.