JOB DESCRIPTION: Long-term team player sought for position of friend/companion for 23 year old female. Use your superior communication and social skills to build a casual, long-term relationship. Must be willing to work evenings and weekends. Some overnight travel may eventually be required, including trips to visit relatives, occasional evaluations of bed and breakfast and other inns, environmental studies in national parks and observation of foreign cultures.

RESPONSIBILITIES: This position calls for attendance at many long dinner meetings in fine restaurants. A hug and a kiss will be required after successful completion of such meetings, when all objectives are clearly met. In addition, you must be prepared to hold hands everywhere. Long hours spent cuddling will be encouraged once you show competence in other areas of responsibility (especially the long dinners). You may be asked to discuss issues affecting our community locally, nationally and internationally. An occasional night of dancing, or something similar, with groups of friends may also be required.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required. You will find that no previous experience will prepare you for this position. Enthusiasm for on-the-job training is a must. In addition, success in this position will require being serious only when absolutely necessary. It may help if you are a Republican and dislike the Red Sox. The presence of children or future plans for them is not required, but will be considered a plus.

Disqualifications: Felony record, living with your mother, absence of own personal transportation, drug use, snoring*.

* Willing to work with you in order to find a remedy.

COMPENSATION: This is a volunteer position and includes no direct payment. In fact, you may find there is nowhere near as much tea in China as you thought. Occasional gifts, associated with certain recurring dates or events, are included, but the exact time of distribution of such gifts will not be revealed in advance. This will start out as a temporary position, but should be approached with the potential to move into a permanent position as a desirable alternative.

BENEFITS: A tremendous benefits package is included. This includes homemade gourmet meals prepared exactly to your tastes, periodic back and shoulder rubs and many other perks. No sign on bonus is offered at this time, however.

MISCELLANEOUS: This woman is actively involved in her community and loves children of all ages. Kids rave about her ramen noodles with green food coloring that look like brains. She has volunteered at the local nursing home, as a respite care provider for foster children, and organized parties at women's shelters. If you like to see things from a different perspective, this is your woman. She has been observed yelling, “Hey box,” while driving past the little blue signs asking motorists to “Call Box,” and playing air drums while driving her car. She has an exceptional dust collection which she keeps in unusual places such as the tops of picture frames and behind knickknacks. She enjoys lots of social sporting activities such as volleyball,softball, dodgeball and flag football. She prefers warm weather to cold because she is a big fan of being able to feel all of her extremeties. She likes art and history and will tour anything old or beautiful. She does not always follow the rules exactly. She prefers old country music and a little bit of Meatloaf. Her preferred choices of food and beverage are, in no particular order: Her mama's homemade macaroni and cheese, Sushi, steak, thai food, fondue, Jim, Jack, Johnny, Coors, sweet tea and Dr. Pepper.

*If you have a boat, she can take you water skiing, and if you have a camper, she can take you camping.

How To Apply: Please send your resume, sent via email, followed up by a telephone interview and then a personal interview. Applications via text messages will not be considered. You may possibly be asked to return for a second personal interview before final selections are made.

What? This is a personal ad and not the help wanted section? Well, that’s very different, then. Never mind.

I would love to try Geo Caching, as well as any activities that are new or unique. If that puts too much pressure, a simple lunch, coffee shop, dinner, bar or club date is great for me.

I am moving to Lubbock next week, and would like to get to know some people to hang out with when I get there.