I have an army of trained midgets to bring me jagermeister and beer


My dog speaks Japanese but because I dont we still cant understand each other.


When I was a kid I had imaginary friends who wouldnt talk to me.


I wear oversized shoes but undersized socks so it will even out.


I can eat breakfast food at anytime of the day but breakfast time.


When I'm bored I scream at my neighbors and then claim I have tourette's syndrome.


I love live music. This includes alt rock, progressive rock, punk (think bad brains or sex pistols not green day or good charlotte). Classic rock is great too, some hip hop, and classic country.


I sleep fully clothed to save time the next morning.


I once got hit on by a transvestite who then tried to hook me up with his friend who was also a transvestite.


I laugh when people get hurt. Its a natural reaction.


Clowns freak me out


I dont wear affliction shirts neither do I "pop" my collar


I like to read. I'm a dork at heart.


I like boobs. Sue me.


Barbed wire tats are stupid.


Sundays are for watching football. This is the way God intended it.


My dog is always the dog that starts the fight at the dog park. This causes me to have to walk her around on a leash like a retard.


Never trust anyone who owns a large white van.


My father looks like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. Okely dokely neighbor.


If you dont have a sense of humor we will not get along

Intelligence is always welcome. I've dated dumb and ditzy and its not my thing. Good sense of humor

Just be normal.....no movies....lets face it thats lame......let me speak every now and then and dont talk about your ex the whole time and well be fine. Oh and have a sense of humor