Ok, now that I have your attention let me say a few things.
Every time I write a personal ad it sounds boring, but I’m not a boring guy. Here's why.


1.You’ll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again
2. You’re an expert at something I know nothing about
3. I find this facinating
3a. We're gonna talk about this
3b. Then maybe some more
4. I promise not to use your back to keep my feet warm
5. I'll push you on the swings
6. I always put the cap back on the toothpaste
7. I'll stash little notes for you where you'll least expect them
8. I always stop to pet dogs outside of grocery stores
9. If I get the tickets..We’re going!
10. We make up secret words for things
11. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy
12. There isn't anything I feel I can't tell you
12b And it always feels better when I do
13. I don't care what music we listen to in the car
14. I wash dishes
15. You’re safe with me
16. I'll wait for you even if you're late. And I won't complain about it
17. I'll lick the envelope for you
18. You've seen the monsters under my bed, and you're still here
19. I'll let you sneak a taste when I'm cooking
20. I’ll hold your coffee for you when you’re driving
21. I won’t make you recycle
21b I'm not effeminate
22. You F****ing turn me on!
23. You love my dorkiness
24. When you are trying to keep count, I will try and mess you up
25. I'll carve your initials in a tree
26. I won’t swear or drink too much around your family
27. I’ll be cool to my future brother in law
28. I always open the passenger side door for you first
29. I come with an extended warranty
30. I’ll grant you three wishes
31. I’ll buy you a lap dance
32. I didn't vote for either George Bush
33. My weird habits you'll find adorable
34. You'll sleep better when I'm next to you
35. I’ll kiss you every day when you leave for work
36. Also when you come home
37. I'll thank you every time you open the door
38. I'll laugh at every joke even when it's not funny (but only in public - when we're alone I'll tell you if it's not funny)
39. I'd never give you lip in front of your friends
40. It gets better every time
41. Use as much salt as you want I don't care
42. I won't ever let you leave for work in the morning without your lunch
43. I'll help you find your keys
44. I don't stop and ask for directions
45. I know how to put up drywall
46. We can watch your movie first
47. I'll clean the house perfect every time your mom comes
48. It’s ok if other guys hit on you because I know you’re with me
49. First Grade Report card: "Andrew plays well with other children and is enthusiastic about most activities. He's a pleasure to have in the class" Rina Nevland, May 22,1972
50. I've got cookies
51. My family is just as screwed up as yours
52. I don't want to get married any time soon
53. I like horror movies
54. I smell pretty good
55. I don't litter
56. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down)
57. I can be ready in 15 minutes or less
58. I brush and floss daily
59. I look both ways before I cross the street
60. I never look directly into the sun
61. You’ll look cute in my shirt
62. I'm not a virgin
63. You're hotter and more hilarious than anyone I know
64. I can fix almost anything
65. I can balance a check book
66. I'll help you not to forget your moms birthday
67. I would never yell "fire" in a crowded theatre
68. I'm really good at sneaking food into the movies
69. I was the second grade spelling bee champ
70. I'll never say 'nothings wrong' when there really is
71. I can program electronic stuff
72. I've never cried over spilt milk
73. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
74. I can count to 100 by 5's
75. I've never smuggled drugs out of the country
76. I won’t eat dinner without a shirt
77. You can use my parking space when you come over
78. I never overload the washer
79. What else have you got to do?
80. I'm pretty d*mn funny
81. I don't care if you eat off my plate
82. None of my friends are girls I’ve had sex with
83. When you're sleeping I'll always try to be quiet
84. I know the difference between they're, their, and there
85. You really would love having someone
86 After reading this far you've already got too much time invested already