I am fabulous, and you should know that I am too good for you.
Yes, you.
You might as well not even try to contact me. Honestly, I just put up this profile to show you your own insignificance. Move along.

My first dates (which are ALWAYS followed by second dates) usually begin with ritual gift-giving on the part of the man, usually expensive jewelry or cattle. If this gift is satisfactory, he is then subjected to a myers-briggs personality test to ensure he is of the exact personality type I seek (ENFP). If he passes this test, we may go out to coffee, or we may just call it a night after I get done grading the test.