Hey, congrats for glancing this way — clearly, you have impeccable taste ;-)

OK.... so who exactly "am" I??? Well, lemme put it this way: think Howard Hughes, except without all the money... Next, restyle Howard's looks to be one part Tiny Tim and one part Gilbert Gottfried, then add approximately twenty to thirty ultra-collectable vintage electric guitars to the mix.... and, viola—you'd be pretty damn close.

Other than that, I suppose that the following interview that I recently gave (in which I was asked various questions about my PlentyOfFish experience thus far) probably goes a longer way to "describe" me, than anything else:


So how have you liked these two months that you've been on PlentyOfFish?
They've been real cool. I'm especially digging the intense self-esteem boost that ensues when I discover multiple repetitions of the phrase "Unread Deleted" in my Sent Mail folder.


Have you met anyone interesting?
A few, yes. The thing is—and I'm not altogether sure why this is—there just does not seem to be too big of a demand on POF for low-paid, paunchy, "longhaired freak"–type guys who just turned 40. I suspect that my age sort of loses the whole twenty-something crowd, and then the long hair probably likewise turns off most women my own age.... my guess is that the old lady brigade equates the hair length with a lack of maturity. Fortunately, this two-pronged red flag has proven to be an extremely effective strategy—as hardly anyone (young OR old) ever messages me.


Have you considered restyling yourself as a result?
Yes. Specifically, I'm thinking of having an inscription tattooed across my chest, that reads, "Give me your tired, your poor, your A Few Extra Pounds."


Do you have any suggestions in terms of revisions to the POF Web site itself?
Only one, really—namely, I think that the phrase "Prefer Not To Say" should probably be replaced with "Prefer Not To Acknowledge," so as to allow for a more accurate statement of intention.


Do you have any suggestions for the women of POF?
Well, I think it would be kind of nice if one or more of them would, every now and then, extend me unsolicited offers of no-strings-attached sex.


Does it amuse you that a lot of the same women who, in the text of their profiles, lament their inability to find "quality" men on POF, are themselves persons of extremely low quality?
Yes.