I am bitterly sarcastic, My wit is dry, and I loathe John Mccain. Not to be confused with John Mclain, who's the ****ing man. I like blasting sad music as loud as I can and I prefer the winter to the summer because it seems more real to me. I have two kickass cats and girls will only be number two in my life to them. In my experience, people who say they don't like vegans who impose their beliefs on others are usually the ones who need self reflection.

I live by the radical notion that numbers do not and will never dictate one's worth or aptitude for happiness. Net worth? No. College GPA? No. Number of beers you can knock back before you're out? Not likely. Not impressed by numbers. Impressed by words.

On the ideal first date, we would begin by engaging in a jumping contest- whoever jumps higher wins. If one of us can jump high enough that we land on the moon, said person will promptly drop a rope ladder down to the other back on Earth. We'll probably jump a little bit more there, learn how to breathe without oxygen, learn how to build a campfire without oxygen, then build a campfire with some moon people and roast s'mores. I won't eat any, of course, because I think they're too sweet, but I'd probably enjoy making them.