I like it when you delete all of your 'description' and then click on update Profile, it turns round and says 'Are you trying to be Funny!'...........Alright tetchy!!!

Any how, what women say and what women really mean:
Can't we just be friends? = Did I mention the kick in the nuts you'll be receiving if you touch me?
I just need some space = ...without you in it
I just don't want a boyfriend now = I just do not want (you as a) boy-
friend now
No, pizza's fine = Cheap **stard
Do I look fat in this? = We haven't had a fight in a while

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks.

FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish or do the washing up, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she calms down.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing there arguing with you over "Nothing".

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO TELL, I'M LISTENING: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".

THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

What a man says, what he really means:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm tired = I'm tired

Do you want to go to the cinema? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you!

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you!

Would you like to go for a drink? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you!

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you!

Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you!

You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?

If nothing else it kept me out of mischeif for 20 minutes...anyway a bit about me, I served in the Military for 18 years before having a near fatal car accident which ended my military career, I'm now retired, live in southsea, which is as close to Portsmouth as I want to be.

My days are filled with the Gym, photography and giving people consumer advice over the tinternet.
I frequently attend music festivals during the year, I.O.W Fest, V Fest, GuilFest, my taste in music is extremely varied I will gladly listen to anything even if I can't understand the language it is sung in.
I dislike snakes and deep water, but not necessarily in that order, oh and I am not a fan of footbal by any stretch of the imagination, bunch of girls running round a piece of grass crying evry time they trip over a blade of grass and waiting for the magic sponge to make them better, poor loves..
In the words of B.A Barracus....quit your crying and get some nuts!

Peter Griffin is one of my fathers....Although I have a French name, I probably speak more Arabic than I do French!
Any how just in case this thing fails to work like it did earlier I'll save the ink and click the update button!

Dont Forget, "When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, give life a thousand reasons to Smile"

Anything except an 'out there ride'
It's you I would like to remember, not me having to apologise for puking on your favourite top as we did loop the loop whilst wing walking!
Could have a party for two on the common at 3am after getting booted out of chicago's??