Dear Madam,

I'm applying for the post of Guy-you-noticed-on-the-internet-who-is-kinda-cute-and-hopefully-funny-that-you-would-like-to-go-on-a-date-with.

I am very interested in the position and believe I can make great contributions to furthering your life's current goals and future endeavours towards greater happiness.

I have many years of experience in being a Guy. You can say it comes naturally.

I have a diploma in cuteness, although you may or may not recognize the validity of said diploma. If you have any issues with the issuing college (University of Mom & Dad), please let me know and I will take it up with the administration. Unfortunately, I was unable to choose the college I went to, so what you see is what you get. I will gladly take any continuing education courses to further my cuteness skills, although I must draw the line on courses affiliated with medical personnel.

My skills in Funny were developed over many years under the tutelage of Monty Python, Red Dwarf, Douglas Adams, Homer Simpson, and the ever eclectic Stewie Griffin. Hopefully, they meet with your standards. I'm always looking to improve my skills in this area and would gladly meet with you to practice the exchange of witty banter. Please be gentle.

Your advertisement (or lack-there-of) did not list any other requirements, so I would welcome an interview to further discuss my qualifications.

For your reference, I have attached my CV, aka my photo. I understand it is brief, but as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Jim

If you prefer, I would suggest my first interview, err our date, to be held in a local coffee shop. The interrogation, err conversation, can therefore progress to either a quick 15 minute hello/goodbye without any qualms or if we're lucky, we can continue talking and go do something fun.