OK, let me level with you. I’d like to go for long sunset walks on the beach but my ankle bracelet prevents me from leaving the premises. I’d also like to cook you a nice meal but the sharpest object I’m allowed to use is a spork. And sadly, whisking you off to NY for a play and dinner at the Grand Central Oyster Bar are out since my parole officer says I can’t leave the state. But hey, my old prison cellmate said I’d make a great catch. So I got that going for me!

Are you still there? Wow. You are brave !

OK! Since you’ve made it this far, how about the compatibility test, get those #2 pencils out:

If you like:
Smiling +5, Laughing +5, Having fun +5, 10K runs +5, Triathlons +5, Fine dining +5, Skiing +5, Hiking +5, Boating +5, Running +5, Swimming +5, Scuba Diving +5, Tennis +5, Bad Dancing +5, Biking +5, Museums +5, Theatre +5, Music +5, Art +5, Reading +5

Bonus : Drinking Wine +1,000,000 ,

Let's see, how'd you do:
0 = Not so much!
25 = Are you my sister?
50 = Did we date in high school?
75 = Are you my ex-girlfriend?
1,000,000+ = Perfect. Should we elope or let dad pay for the wedding. Remember, I can’t leave the state for 6 months so Vegas is out. Sorry.

Ok, so maybe some of this is made up. But just so you know, I once ripped the tag off of a mattress and every now and then have been known to wash, rinse but not repeat. Scary, I know. Call me a thrill seeker!!!

I’m actually a very calm yet energetic guy. I’m smiling or laughing most of the time (no, not Prozac!) and like meeting new people and doing new things. I rarely have a bad time. I dress up for Halloween and decorate at Christmas. I give to charity, feed the local stray cats and vote. I participate. I’ve done everything on my list above (and lots of other things, lots) at least once this year. Ok, not the museum, I’m saving that for you!!!

Prefer doing sports rather than watching them, although I can be caught watching a great playoff game with my compadres and a beer or two or...

I like to fix things so if you have lots of broken things, I'm your man…

Enjoy the beach and a nice glass of wine. Not really a great cook but bonus points if you are. I like to eat.

I’m also handy at removing large insects and rodents from your premises. But if you have that many large free range creatures in your house, maybe we should call the exterminator and go to a restaurant instead.

I read the LA Times and Wall Street Journal daily and the dictionary occasionally. Yes, I read the dictionary. So shoot me. I wonder how many I lost on that last one?

Since you made it past the dictionary, you should know I don’t believe in bigfoot, UFOs or that Elvis is pumping gas down at the local station. I do believe in Santa Claus. Yes, it’s true. I know he exists because he leaves me a lump of coal every year. 48 years now !!! Come on Santa, what’s a guy got to do to get a BB gun??? Maybe this is my year :)

I am not looking for someone to complete me. More like someone to complement me. Ultimately, more like a friendly merger rather than a hostile takeover. I would hope you have your own life, family and friends. I enjoy witty conversation. Smart is sexy. You should be successful, secure and independent. I'm not intimidated by intelligence and success. I'm impressed.

I’m looking for someone who is curious and likes to learn, try and do new things. You teach me new things and I’ll do the same for you. Your crow’s feet and laugh lines show you’ve lived a full fun exciting life, that’s beautiful to me.

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations!!! Now contact me to collect on that bazillion dollars. ***

*** Bazillion dollars payable in $1 annually for 1 bazillion years :)

Come on... Whatever we do, it'll be a lot of fun!