Technically, I DO know how to change a tire. I'm just not strong enough to crack the nuts on the bolts with a tire iron. A tow truck operator once laughed at me because when he arrived I was standing on the tire iron with my full body weight - jumping up and down - and I still could not make it budge. So, no, I'm not lying about the fact that I'm thin - my profile is accurate. I have a fast metabolism and never have had to diet in my life.

Oh, and BTW, my photo is accurate and up-to-date as well. I promise I won't show up on a first date looking like Ursula the Sea Witch.

I'm pretty independent - I've accomplished some unusual things - but I have a surprise domestic streak. What this means is, if you were the right man, I'd be happy to mend your socks. And, yes, I really pack my own sauerkraut (I make home-jarred pickles, too). I believe in real butter over margarine, real sugar over Equal, eating plenty of bacon and leaving chicken skin ON. All of this fat/cholesterol can be taken care of with a glass of red wine.

If the following makes sense to you, then we might get along:

I don't understand lapdogs. I want a dog that can protect me, not a dog that I have to protect. The term "doggy bag" used to refer to bringing leftovers home for your dog. Now, people actually carry their dogs around in bags...What I'm trying to say is this: I'm the person that everyone trusts with their pets when they go on vacation. I love animals, but I think that animal cruelty is treating your pet like a person. Your dog does not want gourmet, organic dog biscuits. What your dog REALLY wants is to tear through your neighbor's trash. Maybe you should let him!

Also: I'm marriage-minded, but I'm not in a last-minute panic to have biological children. I actually like the idea of adoption - and adopting older children (who have a harder time finding parents because anyone adopting usually wants an infant). Parenting is supposed to be selfless anyway. If I were past the age of being able to easily get pregnant, I don't see the point in all this fertility treatment nonsense, when there are so many kids already out there who need a good home.

I'm a gold digger. Bring me expensive jewelry.

Actually, I don't have a long list for what I'm looking for in a man. It all boils down to two things: Good chemistry and good character.

An extra caveat: Do not email me if you are separated. If you are separated - you are STILL MARRIED.