Keeping this profile up because the teenager inside of me can't get over all the "you know who **space" boob shots on this site and the adult in me finds humor in the profiles people put up without editing. Spell check - have you heard of it? For Christs sake, you're on the INTERNET!! You have the WORLDS LARGEST DICTIONARY at your finger tips! No one expects you to be a spelling and grammar genius,but come on, common sense is not a mutant ability - we all have it. And another thing - ALL CAPS? Really!!! Why? Do you think it makes you stand out? It does, people think you are yelling, and then they think you are stupid.

Moving on

All the people, both sexes, complaining about how there are no decent people on this site - while being, quite possibly, extremely shallow people themselves. Or the women who claim to want a man who can, and I quote (because I saw it on two different profiles - which means it probably came from a Nicholas Sparks novel) "give a kiss worth a thousand words"...What does that even mean?!?!?! I'll tell you what ladies, we men want a kiss that means no words - called a BJ, keep 'em comin'

Oh, and B.T.DUBS - Does anyone know what Down to Earth really means? Because everyone on here seems to be "Down to Earth" or wants someone "down to Earth".


Ladies - we get it, you like sports - probably only to appeal to the men, but NO ONE IS SHOCKED THAT YOU LIKE SPORTS!!! This is Detroit! Everyone likes sports!! Well, except me - I can go to the park and watch a dog chase around a ball - pretty much the same thing, except the dog is always good at it: Way to go Tigers, Pistons, and Lions! woohoo

Go forth into the light.

Shopping is not an interest, or hobby - shopping is what you do when you are vapid, AND HAVE no interests. You're bubble-heads! Learn a skill or trade, read a book or two, do something other than spend money and accumulate needless possessions.

You know it was coming.

Fat girls - I can dig the thick women, but don't call yourself Big and Beautiful - if you've got cankles and get winded walking up a flight of stairs, AND you need a mirror to see your vagina - you're fat - not curvy, not voluptuous, not BBW - fat. Oh, and we know you're not a size 0, trust me we know ;) And we do have a problem with it. But it's okay, I'm fat. I don't try to hide behind words and lie to myself. I also don't take pictures of myself by holding a camera high over my head and snapping a shot of chest fat...the "girls" stop being boobs when they're riding around on your fat tummy - which is hidden from view when you take that abortion of the photographic arts

Just to be fair

Girls that are "hot" and know it. Stop calling yourselves dorks: You're NOT - no one respects you, everyone only wants to bang you (including me - so send me a message) Get off this dating site - it's for socially awkward people, not attention whores who only feel alive when they know hundreds of pathetic men (including me) are favoriting them and flogging it to their crappy cell phone pictures.

Once more, with feeling.

Oh, to all the over-educated, snippy, pretentious, frigid, ice queens that spent their twenties working on their "Careers" with the laundry lists of expectations for their mates; let me just share something with you Prince Charming and Johnny Depp are not on this site - which is a "free" site, BTW - (get what you pay for) and your biological clocks are TICKING TICKING TICKING (if this is you and you are not yet over thirty there is still time to change your ways) you might want to adjust or at least be flexible on your "standards" or all your girlfriends are going to be laughing behind your back AGAIN as you put on yet another bridesmaid dress and get drunk and try and sleep with the DJ after the reception - and then you'll spend time with your cats eating cookie dough and hating men because we are all stupid, shallow, ugly, fat, uneducated, chauvinistic, and rude. Have fun with that dried out womb being a spinster. ;)

Just a little more.

Guys....is it really hard to smile in a picture? Do you think it makes you look "tough", or "hard"? Do you think this is what the women think? It makes you look insecure, it makes you look like a douche-bag, you're trying too hard - same thing applies to the pictures of you shirtless in your bathroom (or in a Walmart bathroom which I saw on one guys profile) LMAO same thing goes for flexing. What kind of message is this sending? That you're buff, ripped, tough on the outside but a big ol' cuddle bear on the inside??? Nope, it looks like you just may one day get hauled out of your house for beating on your girlfriend AGAIN. TIP: Smile, I think women like it when we smile. It shows that we're in touch with our emotional side - not that we are stone cold "killas"

Keep it up people - everything on your pages...it...well - quite frankly, fills me to the brim with giggles. I look forward to browsing all of them and cracking up with hysterics.

Both of us will stand in my bathroom with cameras and take pictures of our stomachs. And then make kissy faces (ever wonder why we close our eyes when we kiss? Cause kissy lips look stupid - and kind of gross) And then I'll stand over you and snap pictures of your eyes when you look up at me with that bang me face. And then you'll go "MUAW and I'll slap you with a handful of corned beef hash. BEST! DATE! EVER!




**DISCLAIMER Learn to take a joke, learn to laugh at yourself a little - you'll live longer. This is all in good fun. I'm fat, socially awkward, and kind of ugly - but I'm having a blast on this big ball of funny we call Earth. You should too. If you'd like to yell at me, by all means let the frustrations out. It's all for the lulz - google it if you don't know what I'm talking about. Most importantly - keep being you - cause you're giving me something to laugh about. :P

R