I want to meet Tina Fey as Liz Lemon, Scarlett Johansson in Scoop; Heather Graham in Swingers; and Elizabeth Banks in Zack and Miri. I want a woman who is clumsy, awkward and sometimes insecure, with ambition, brains, and a dynamite sense of humor. Vegetarians or sympathetic omnivores preferred!
I have met enough crazy people from the internet. If you have deep conversations with yourself, hear voices that emanate from your imaginary friend or have a collection of live insects, don't write! On that subject, if you don't own any of the following, I don't want to meet you:
1. Soap
2. Toothbrush
3. Deodorant
I am charming and charismatic and funny and geeky. I'm frequently the center of attention. I don't hesitate to ask questions. I'm quirky, and a bit of a ham. Sometimes I'm downright silly. I love animals and I get sad when I see the lobster tank at the super-market. I'm well educated and studious, but I hate libraries. I'm jocky, but I hate the gym. I love to dance, but not at clubs.
Going out with me is like going out with
the man of your dreams, Steve Carrell and Will Ferrell all rolled into one. I lead an
amazing life, and I'm auditioning for new co-stars from outside of my circle of friends.
*I have received the following email several thousand times:
"Hi, I'm laid-back and easy going. My hobbies include hanging out with friends and watching television. Write me back if you're interested"
If you want a response from me, I want to know more than just cliches or statistics. Tell me about what book you're reading, which character on Seinfeld you are most like or whether you prefer waxed or unwaxed dental floss and I'm much more likely to get back to you.
You could buy me something alcoholic, or something warm and yummy. This is relatively quick, so when I figure out that you're categorically insane, I can tell you that "I really need to go home to floss my (non-existant) cat's teeth immediately" and bolt for the door with my liver and both kidneys still in tact.
If we get along, then we might parlay that drink into dinner or something equally good for stimulating conversation. My preference is mini-golf, but I'm ok with just about anything that doesn't involve staring at a screen. (We can save that for when we're old and have nothing more to say to one another).
