It was a dark and chilling night. The breeze was brisk and whistled a noticeable sigh in air. The furtive gusts came and went like distant memories fading into the dusk. "Lonely am I" mused a beautiful young damsel, lying, watching the TV screen as Leonardo Dicaprio sank into the abyss of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh poor Kate Winslet. The beautiful young women burst out a deafening bawl as she unwrapped herself from her warming fleece blanketed cocoon. She grasped a metallic spoon and pierced the chocolate goodness in front of her and heaved a portion of Ben and Jerry's ice cream down her esophagus. The sadness momentarily left her body as she focused on the chocolate ice cream melting in her mouth causing a euphoria of erupting taste buds. "No more ice cream" she mused realizing she had to get her bikini body ready for the upcoming summer. She sternly pushed the ice cream to the end of the table before grabbing her laptop to check her email.

She logged on to Plenty of Fish in a seemingly abject attempt to find her Prince Charming. The page loaded and her emails were plentiful but void of any real content. Each and every click just appended to the hopelessness already settled from previous visits to the site. "Hey sexy howz youz doing"..Delete, "When can we have the sexxors" Delete..."I am in love with you"....Delete. She finally made the determination that the only types of men she could possibly find on this site are needy little crybabies, men with women hating issues, 50 year old balding divorcees, and possible serial rapists. "It was over" she thought. "Time to put this account out of its misery..." Just then she noticed a profile she had not seen previously. Its hopeless anyways but I guess I will just check it out". She clicked on the account and her first impression was "he is moderately cute. "Ok lets read further."

She read the first paragraph and was very intrigued at this mans lyrical capabilities and his knowledge of the online dating scene. A beacon of white light enveloped her. She excitedly called out "this is the most super awesome profile I have ever seen." She gazed deeply into her little electronic box of hope and temptations and began to feel a strong emotional connection with the man on the other end. Love, adventure, eroticism, all flashed through her head when she contemplated anything to do with this guy. "I can't believe what I am feeling right now. If this man can make me feel all warm in tingly inside just from gazing at him imagine how good I could feel if I actually met him in person." It was official, she had to contact him.

She crafted her message anxiously yet carefully for she knew deep down that men like this don't come along often. It was complete. She nervously clicked on the send button and waited for her dream guy to respond. It was not to happen yet for he was offline. She wrapped herself in her warm cocoon pretending the soft fleece was the burly arms of her dream man snuggling her ever so softly but with much power and affection shielding her from the lonely winds of detachment with an amiable aura of affection. The comforting tranquility enveloped her as she slowly drifted into a surreal dream world where her mind was free to imagine her wildest and most pleasurable desires coming forth right before her eyes. It was by far the most relaxing and deep sleep she ever had.

Also, a quick note: If you noticed I viewed your profile and didn't send you a message, its probably because I just couldn't think of something awesome to say to you, or I was just on my way out the door and didn't have time. But I'm open minded and interested in hearing from you, most likely. Shoot, maybe you're just too cute, and all I could do when I saw your profile was blush! ;) IE: send me a message already!

What happened to the element of surprise?