1. Abstract

Date me.

2. Introduction

Hi, my name is Ed. You can call me Ed. Edward is a bit uptight, and Eddie makes me sound like I was a lead singer for a band. My voice sucks, so it probably would be a misrepresentation.

2.1. Appearance

I am about 6’2” (although I was recently made aware that I might only be 6’1” and a half). I have black hair and my eyes are brown. I weigh approximately 225 pounds (subject to g = 9.8 m/ss), and exercise (or a lack thereof) puts me at 220 (or 230).

2.2. Personality

I am a nerd with interests in sports, music, good food and playing with other peoples pets. I don’t have any pets of my own. I am good at the things I do, and always try to make myself better. I am curious, intelligent, and I like avocados.

2.3. Things I Do and Don't

2.3.a. Things I do

I'm a skier and a boarder, but I'm much more comfortable on skis. I hike and backpack, but that's ramping down now that it's all chilly and stuff. I work out routinely. I do yoga a lot, but I’m the guy in the class that is totally goofy looking and can’t do half of what everyone else can. I play board games. I see live music. Lately, I've been learning to swing and salsa dance. I’ve been turning my partners the wrong direction since day one and it is becoming a major goal of mine to get that right someday.

I am employed as a sales representative for a small software company. People like my personality over the phone.

2.3.b. Things I don’t do

I don't smoke. I don’t jog because it kills my knees. I don’t play my car radio loud with my windows down as I realize that not everyone likes 80’s music like I do. I really don't like talking politics because I don't claim to be knowledgeable enough to know what I'm talking about. I usually don’t stay up past midnight on school nights, but it has been known to happen occasionally.

3. Hypothesis

You want to date me.

4. Experiment

4.1. Materials

I am attracted to all sorts of girls, and prefer intelligence and sense of humor over bust size. I want a girl who looks good in a tank top. It would be nice if you’re physically active. A laid-back personality is a very valuable asset in my eyes. I can reciprocate all of the above, but I have neither a large bust nor do I wear tank tops.

4.2. Procedure

4.2.a

Look at my pictures.

4.2.b

Read my headline.

4.2.c

Read my profile.

4.2.d

Look at my pictures again.

4.2.e

Write me.

4.3. Application of materials

A game of Scrabble at a local coffee shop fulfills
a. The need for caffeine
b. An ice breaker
c. A measuring stick of verbal and board game prowess

4.3.a

Scrabble can be skipped if both parties agree that a meaningful game of Scrabble cannot be achieved in thirty minutes.

5. Conclusion

I like avocados. You should email me. Scrabble is fun.

6. Post script

I truly am looking for a compatible partner and I'm too old to mess around. What I wrote above, although factual, was mostly for fun. I'm looking for someone who loves God and seeks a long-term relationship. If this is you, you are truly a rare gal and I really want to talk with you more...