I am looking for an even lazier and more ungrateful boyfriend to replace the good for nothing lying dead beat **stard that I am currently having unsatisfying sex with at the moment.
You should be the son of the Devil himself. you must be gorgeous and know you are too good for any woman, preferably raised in a barn with no ettiquette. You must have the ability to immediately disregard anything I do for you, and the uncanny ability to verbally rape me any time we're in public. Also, a collective stable of looser buddies with playmate girlfriends without any college education is a must. You must enjoy complaining and ruining any fun I may be having. Your mood forecast should be "***hole” with a chance of being an emotion black hole". Please have two e-wives and seven children between them. You should be able to give as little as humanly possible and have the expectation that I will cook, clean, do your laundry and bend over at the same time.
Your skills include the inability to give even a substandard kiss, and sincere dislike of laughter. Please consider baggy jeans and old pajama pants covered with dog hair to be worn at a blacktie event, to get me in the mood for the sex that I will be so eager to have with you. You must also be able to identify my wants and needs, then specifically withhold anything pertaining to them.

I feel there is a void in my life without you. Let's get together soon. I'm anxiously awaiting the new Hell you'll bring to my life!

Seriously...be normal, like to laugh, be playful, honest, say what's on your mind, I'm easy going and fun loving, we shouldn't have a problem.

As long as it's memorable...doesn't really matter.