A three point presentation on why Paul would be an awesome boyfriend.


I want to introduce your dream man: Paul. He is incredible, basically in every way. He is so awesome that he has never bought his own drink at a bar. Well, not really, but it might as well be true. He was runner-up for the most interesting man in the world only because he doesn't like Dos Equis. Alright, again, not really. He does like Dos Equis. But I digress.

So about Paul. He is handsome, half Italian, half German, has a rockin beard kinda like Paul Bunyan, and his couch doesn’t have a permanent imprint of his butt. He is active, loves travelling, biking, camping, skiing, and hiking, and doesn’t drool over video games or commit his life to yelling at sports on tv. You’d think his sharp wit, positive attitude, and comical sarcasm would land him some serious womanage, but for some reason the right one just hasn’t surfaced quite yet. This is where you come in.

Being the children of corporate America that we are, the best way to appeal to our target demographic is through a 3-point presentation on why he would make an awesome boyfriend. In the interest of time and efficiency, there is a conclusion statement at the bottom of each point that summarizes the key themes of the post.

If you are smart, funny, successful, would be cool if ‘(D)’ was after your name, and between the ages of 21 and 28, I strongly encourage you to seriously consider the following about Paul:


1) Chill. AKA, the Give and Take Attitude.
You want to go out with your girlies one night? He is cool with that. You want to pick up the tab and he will get the next one? He is cool with that. You want to watch a girl movie tonight and a guy movie tomorrow? He is cool with that. You want to dress up nice and be the hottest couple in a fancy restaurant? (he does own a tuxedo) He is cool with that. You want to not shave your legs and let it mello if it’s yellow? He is probably not cool with that, but we all have standards.

He loves Seinfeld-esque conversations about nothing, trying new bars or restaurants, watching B-rate scary movies in the dark, people watching, and critiquing buildings. He likes old timey kinda stuff like banjo music, but then goes to Ikea for furniture. Bartering at flea markets is second nature to him, so if you are too chicken to haggle, he will step in and get you a deal. He will make you dinner once in awhile. You might even get flowers if you’re really nice. Oh, he will definitely tease you. Don't worry, that's how he determines if you're fun or not.

Conclusion: As long as you are chill, he is chill. It’s the give and take approach. Oh yeah, he doesn’t get angry at petty dumb things. Angry people die sooner.


2) Sexual Relations.
Being the Italian Stallion that he is, he is usually down for it. Aside from the beard he’s got a pretty hairy chest, too... you know, like a man would have. He’s the take-charge type and is always open to mixing things up a bit.

He also likes a really cold drink after all the action is done. Sometimes this just ends up being classified as breakfast.

Conclusion: Play your cards right and you’ll probably get some.


3) Benefits Package.
Paul is self sufficient. Yes, he lives alone and does his own laundry, cleans his apartment once in awhile, has a dishwasher, and can even bathe himself. You will not have to do these things for him, unless you really want to, in which case it is welcome. An old ex-girlfriend was also a massage therapist and taught him numerous skills in that department, thus increasing his resale value trifold. Don’t worry, she was insane and that was back during sophomore year of college, and there are also no psycho ex'es currently stalking him.

His apartment is incredible. You’d think you were on vacation. If you visit, you will get your own full bathroom. This is a major incentive for any female.

Also, he has a sweet tv for Netflix movies, and has a universal remote control that even the Amish can operate. You should have no problem controlling the mantertainment center. And speaking of movies, he is in some. Cable tv, too. Yes, really.

Conclusion: You'll get more than just the man.


Summary
Paul is the real deal and is available to go out with equally awesome and fun females. Brunettes, girls who like to wear plaid shirts, and girls who look exceptionally cute bundled up for winter are especially encouraged to apply. So if this sounds like the guy for you, please drop a line and you will be put through the vetting process.