My Deal Breakers: Four Things I Will Not Compromise On .

-- Still pine for an ex? Think that you’re over him, but still have sex with him? Then forget about looking for a bf and go find a good shrink.

-- We don't belong in bars (or a bar) unless we're together. Ever.

-- Male Friends. "Old", "School", "Gay", yep, they all count.

-- Smoke? Use illegal drugs? If so I’d sell my dog into prostitution before I’d date you.

If you disagree with any of those points (you probably kick dogs, hate children and laugh at cripples, too), that’s fine. I don’t want to change you (except into a nice person). I’m interested in finding someone who shares those values, not someone who needs to remake herself to fit them.

I understand and appreciate boundaries, and I won't ask you for anything that I'm not offering in return. When I'm with you, I'm dedicated to you and to our relationship.

About You

Are you comfortable with who and how you are at your present age and not obsessed with "I look / feel younger than I am."?

"Nice", "sweet", "smart" and "funny" need to be wrapped in YUM.

Regardless of what you start with physically, a woman with confidence is effin HOT. When you can see in a woman's walk that she believes in herself . . . d*mn.

Can you disagree, yet remain respectful and civil? If not, you need to be insanely good at makeup sex.

Are you free enough to see me at least a couple times per week and spend nights when we feel like it.

Do trains, busses or meeting halfway seem like reasonable solutions for spending time together? If so, you live too d*mned far away.

Are you too busy to meet for a week / two weeks / a month? Then don't write me until after a week / two weeks / a month.

AND, yes, you absofreakinlutely should begin a relationship with me.

Good Things

-- If you’re feminine and enjoy being a woman.

-- If you're aggressive.

-- A dry, slightly sarcastic sense of humor.

-- You fresh out of the shower, all clean, your hair wet. Gawd, just thinking about it . . . !

Not So Good Things

-- If you can grow a better beard than I can.

-- EVER making me listen to Country, Hip Hop or R&B music (it would be kinder and gentler of you to just pierce my eardrums with broken glass). I don't care what YOU listen to, only what you push on me.

-- If you have an aversion to bras. (be nice to your girls and your girls will be nice)

-- Vege-nazis (Mmmmmmm red meat and dairy! And I violate the rights of chickens every chance I get, too).

About Me

-- I don't hesitate to ask for directions.

-- I put the toilette seat down, but sometimes forget to shut the kitchen cabinets.

-- I'm conservative (I mention that because I've found that rabid liberals pout and runaway when they find out). In the past when I've dated someone with more liberal views, we either spend minimal time discussing it, or we agree not to discuss it. Because, it gets too personal and divisive and, let's be honest, we aren't going to change eachothers' minds.

-- Sarcastic, but try not to be cruel.

-- I crack me up more than I could ever crack you (or anyone else) up.

-- If you're near me, my hand is probably on you in some way (If PDA's offend you, you'll probably hate me).

-- I spend A LOT of time driving for work, so during my time off I usually don't. But, if you're up to taking the wheel you can almost always convince me to get out of the house with you.

-- Nap bonding rocks. So does spooning on the sofa while we watch a movie.

-- I'd rather walk around a grocery store with you, than do anything with anyone else.

-- Motorcycles? Total turnoff. If I ever live in a single-wide I suppose I might change my mind. Until then . . .

I dumped Kelly Clarkson so I could date you. Expect her next CD to contain an angry song about it.

Age and height are two things I don't even notice. Taller, short, older, younger, I just don't care. If I'm attracted to you, enjoy talking with you and being near you, I'm happy with that.

Need an an excellent listener? Pick me! Pick me! I pay attention and I care about what's important to you. The times that I find myself not giving a d*mn I'll still pretend that I do . . . so that I can get laid afterward.

I love cycling and I spend a lot of time out at Waterfall Glen in Darien and on the Illinois Prairie Path (usually starting in Wheaton). I usually split my ride time three ways, climbing one day per week, doing intervals another, then concentrating on either time in the saddle or distance for one or maybe two more. Occasionally I'll throw in a recovery ride.

Riding the cyclist? BIG points.

I love watching football. Baseball? Not so much. Golf? No thanks, I'm straight. If NASCAR is a sport, then every teamster is an athlete.

If I’m too angry to discuss something respectfully, I’ll walk away and come back to it later.

I’m afraid of heights, but I’m dying to learn how to rock climb. And not just on those indoor walls, but really climbing.

I've been asked several times, so I'll explain, here. I don't drink because I choose not to, not because I'm recovering from addiction.

I'd thought that Yogi Berra was dead and that Dan Quayle was a Republican. So you can imagine my shock in finding out they'd been elected Pres and VP on a Dem ticket last November.

In the "real world" physical attraction and passion are the first building block of a new relationship. Online it often seems that we're expected to view that as a bad thing and that everything else should override and come before that. Why? Without that it doesn't matter what else there is. If you aren't attracted to and hot for eachother, the rest isn't going to make up for or replace that.

I LOVE kissing and physical closenss / contact. I love touching, and that doesn't have to be sexual.

I love being in the kitchen, watching Food Network, paying attention to the presentation of whatever I’m preparing and seeing if we can top each other’s last meal and presentation.

Sometimes I feel starved for intelligent, interesting grown up conversation. So, one of the things I find most rewarding in a partner is that she’s able to get lost in a great discussion about anything or nothing.

I’m happy with myself, I like me, I’m enjoying my life, my place and my career. But, d*mn, it'd be so nice to come home to you, see you, smell you, feel you near me, talk with you, recharge with you laying against me.

I'm confident, secure and happy enough that being alone doesn't scare me. So I never settle for less than what I deserve. I'm not stupid or ugly and I'm funny as hell, so I never fear that I'm running out of time or chances.

. Please add this to your profile if you know anyone who has only one brai

I keep being told that my profile makes me sound "hard" and that in person I'm much "softer". I suppose it's true, since I've heard it from several sources.

If we're not "whipped" (no, NOT with actual whips or even whip substitutes) for each other, what's the point?

Testimonials are creepy.

Email, phone calls, IMing are not a relationship. If one or both of us isn't interested enough to meet within the first day or three, that's probably a good sign that it's time to move on.

PoF gives me a list of women who "think I'm hot", but none of them KNOW that they think I'm hot? This is helpful how?

Women who pick names of alchohol as their ID make me nervous.