So.....a bit about me - I'm originally from Windsor but now well and truly planted on the Notts/Leics borders in a beautiful, peaceful village. I'm well dressed, well groomed, honest, intelligent, loyal, romantic, tactile. I'm looking for an attractive woman to enjoy life with. I love holidays in the sun, weekends away, cooking, eating out in good restaurants and mooching around castles.

I've got a self deprecating and highly irreverent sense of humour - Politically Correct miseries beware!! If I look at your profile more than once, I'm not stalking you - I just have a rubbish short term memory! If I don't message you it's probably because I've been side tracked, so drop me a line anyway.

I love clothes, shoes and aftershave.

Defnitely not into clubbing anymore!

A few not particularly interesting things about me:

- I buy things from Ebay that 4 hours later I realise I don't need/want
- I can't walk past a restaurant without looking at the menu
- I'm way too competitive
- I was once attacked by a monkey
- I hate snakes, flies and slugs
- I slopped a pint of beer all over Fish from Marillion (only people of a certain age will know who this is)
- I love Fry's chocolate cream, especially the orange one
- I detest new potatoes - horrible Satany things!
- I'm terrified of rollercoasters and mentalist type theme park rides
- I once had a shamelessly brilliant 'fall' in a wine bar whilst on a first date. And I'd only been there for 5 minutes. Haunting stuff......

A few things that irritate me:

- Rude shop assistants (they never seem to say please or thank you nowadays do they?)
- Michael Winner
- Dustmen who stop their lorries in the middle of the road so you can't get past
- Jeremy Kyle, his programme and the people who appear on it
- Not being able to open packs of bacon without needing a small machete
- Automated call centres - Press 1 for this, Press 2 for that......Grrrrr. How about I press 4 for Spontaneous Self Combustion?
- Dogs that sniff you in places they shouldn't and don't take no for an answer
- Being made to pay for carrier bags in supermarkets when I've just spent a hundred quid
- Text speak and people who say 'innit' at the end of every sentence. It's well annoying innit guy!
- That thing Gordon Brown does with his mouth as he's speaking.
- Ryanair - don't start me off on this one!
- Sofa adverts on TV - DFS, SCS, CSL - You know the ones....and then when you go to buy one you can't have it for 6 months. What's all that about?

A few of the things I like:

- The sound of a lawn mower in the distance on a hot summer day (don't ask......)
- The smell of real coffee
- Seeing someone fall over, clang into a lamp post, stub their toe....you get the idea. Yes, yes, I'm sick I know. All the same, it IS funny
- Getting into a freshly laundered bed
- That initial smell of Paxo stuffing when you pour boiling water over it. Makes me hungry every time
- The childish excitement you feel when you walk into your hotel room for the first time. Checking out the smellies in the bathroom, is there a dressing gown? No? Bummer!, the view, the standard of complimentary biscuits with the tea and coffee (why are they always boring Bourbons?)
- Crispy chicken skin
- After Eight mints - being incredibly greedy I could eat a whole box of these. The added bonus is that if you put the empty sleeves back in the box you can spend an amusing ten minutes watching people becoming increasingly frantic as they rifle through the box looking for non-existent sweets.

PS: Cut me some slack - I look awful in photos!!

I'll try and think of something snazzy..........balloon ride with champagne? No, maybe that's a bit too snazzy for a first date - how about a drink first, dinner on the second date and a balloon trip on the third?

I've listed a lot of things in the 'INTERESTS' section that aren't strictly 'interests' but there isn't the room to put everything in the main section. I obviously don't have a subscription to LOG FIRES MONTHLY.

Why does it seem compulsory on here to say that you like The Kings Of Leon and staying in with a DVD and a bottle of wine???