I'm sort of amazing (confidence not ego), world traveler (94 countries not Google Earth), super-smart (books scribbled plus off the chart test scores) and have a lightning wit (rocket not flash). I get the attention of a room when I walk in. I have no idea why folks are so afraid of automatic weapons. The safety is on. So, I more than a bit anomalous, but I assure you there's method to my madness like the flight of bees or a woman in the rain. I have an associational logic that instantly references philosophy, literature, music, art, pop culture and kitsch -- without Google. Spock would’ve approved my logic which, like the Vulcan moon Trayf, is at once elliptical and eccentric echoing the tides of the mercurial human heart.

What else? I love the filtration prior to intimacy and the deep philosophical discussions that follow (for example: 'why isn't there something instead of nothing in my wallet?'; who the f**k moves furniture in the apartment above me at 2 a.m.; and, 'where do all these f**king Chinese takeout menus come from?' These conundrums are more relavent if you live in Manhattan.

I'm a rara avis that has migrated due to the encroaching climate velocity to my preferred habitat, Bali, where I live part of the year. I have a beautiful villa there with views of terraced rice fields, mountains and tropical rainforest. Come on over y'all and bring some pie -- or black rice puddin'.

If my raspy moon howls seem enough grounds for us critters to share a cup of Java, gimme a holler. Or pass me over for that square jawed, six-packed ass clown with the pea brain who believes wrestling is for real. What the world needs now are more pea brained children wraslin' in their Pampers.

Hope you appreciated the sarcasm, and if you didn't just know I’ve got a loaded weapon – it’s called a brain and it doesn't shoot blanks.

P.S. I'm a poet too. Try this one on for size...

I Promise
Look only into my eyes when we make love
for if your glance should stumble elsewhere
you will see not me but my deformities,
the misshapen amalgam that is me without you.
In loving you, you’ve rendered me perfect, whole,
rectified, an unblemished Adonis to your Dawn.
Your eyes need never stray beyond mine,
for in their rheumy orbs you shall behold
the Big Bang of creation, the sensuous dance of Shiva,
the birth of humanity, the awakening of consciousness.
Just look in my eyes and I promise you will behold
the universe entire, with you at its center.

A limo ride to a roof terrace restaurant where we get to know each other. If there's a connection we're off to an out of town resort for a heavenly massage and a jump in the Jacuzzi all while looking over the beautiful scenery. Then you tell the limo where to go...
I confess I Googled that answer searching under 'best first dates'. Let's just meet for coffee and get to know each other. If the chemistry kicks in, ahhh, we'll take a limo ride to a...