Hey you. Yeah, you.

Have you ever tried shopping at Costco for just one? It's no laughing matter. 20lbs of rice for a conscientious eater is basically a lifetime supply. I'd like to reduce that down to only a 40 year supply by bringing someone else on board.

However, an appetite for rice is only one of the things that will make for our enviable relationship.

I speak Canadian, English, Australian and American - all fluently. You need not. Particularly if you speak French fluently. And by the way, if you do, use it when you're angry with me. It'll make me fall more deeply in love with you and you'll have vented. Win-win.

I like the thought of sharing a pair of chopsticks with you while our heads bump softly together. Softly, I said. Eating shouldn't lead to a concussion.

I love oysters, great movies and the sound of thunderclaps accompanied by sudden bursts of loud, heavy rain. And I'll run outside into that downpour with you for 5 minutes just so we can run back inside and take a steaming shower together.

I'll play you sad songs on the guitar and piano, and despite the torment inflicted on dogs for blocks around, I'll sing to you. If you're mean to me.

I pay my credit card bill in full every month. I've got my fiscal act together. I'm looking for the same. You understand the need to balance planning for the future with some measured recklessness today.

I'm quirky. If I'm lucky, you're quirky too. You're not an all-American girl and the idea of dating a guy with the name Chip sends a chill down you spine.

Hopefully, you don't have an ex that pins small animals to your door, a collection of bowling trophies or hands that look like they just reassembled the engine of an F-16 fighter jet.

It'd be good if your profile mentioned things other than your love of hiking and biking and the fact that you feel as comfortable in jeans as in a little black dress, because that applies to pretty much anyone that hasn't appeared on Springer. Being able to perform the dizzying feat of enjoying either a night out on the town or a quiet night at home, is also slightly less impressive than some people here may realize.

I have a variety of extremely recent, non-professinal photos so you can see pretty much what to expect if we were to meet. I only meet with those that have the same.

Finally, your name must be Andrea, Dominique or Celeste. Actually, that's probably being a bit close-minded. It's your lucky day. I'll cut you all some slack on the name thing.

Terms and Conditions: Felons, Ex-dictators and actors may not qualify.

Let's go easy. A cup of coffee, hmm? Simple. And if we dig each other we'll obviously crank it up a bit for our first real date.

NOTE: I've long pondered over whether acknowledging a note from someone I think may not be a good mutual match is more polite than not writing back at all. I used to uniformly practice the former but it seems many respond to best wishes with a bitter and sometimes even insulting tone, so I've decided that no response is the way to go. If you ask to know 'either way' I'll be sure to. Otherwise, I'll assume you think silence is golden.