I guess this is supposed to be the part where I tell you about how I saved the whales while winning the Nobel Peace Prize, or rattle off the kind of what-I'm-looking-for checklists that eliminates just about everyone on the planet. Since we all eventually cite the desire for the elusive but essential quality of "chemistry," and that relies on something other than words, I will instead just offer a couple of thoughts on things that I know will indicate we don't have chemistry. If you're a moose-hunting politician who has recently resigned from your job, or a fan of one, we're probably not a good match. If you consider the phrase "I like to have fun" to be informative, we're probably not a good match. And if you drive a Hummer, not only are we not a good match, but I'd like to inform you that the word "compact" painted on a parking space is not Swedish for "Park big space-hogging vehicles here."

As for me, here are a few things that may or may not help you decide if we could have chemistry (or chemistry issues): I have a job I really like. It is not a Monday-Friday, 9-to-5 endeavor. It does not come with a six-figure income. (To those of you leaving me here, goodbye and good luck.) I like good conversation, good friends; I'm loyal, responsible and (boy, does this make me out of place in L. A.) punctual. A lot of my friends think I'm funny in a low-key sort of way. If entertainment types make you nervous, I'm not an actor (I suppose that's obvious), I don't want to direct, and I'm not working on a screenplay. On the other hand, I have a bunch of friends who are or have been actors and musicians, so it's not like I have issues with entertainment types.