I had a little novella written here full of complimentary adjectives about myself then realized my biased opinion shouldn't carry much weight. Let's face it, if you like the pictures I could probably say I kick puppies and it wouldn't matter.

Since I'm terrible at selling myself, I'll just let the testimonials of others speak for me:

"You're like the daughter I always wanted."
-- My mom to my sister-in-law as I sat beside them

"If they won't let me pull the plug, I'll go out and buy a gun."
-- My dad when I asked how he'd care for me if I were in a coma

"She's sweet but quiet."
-- Former coworker Matt to my brother after my first week of employment

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Omigod. I'm choking."
-- My brother in response to Matt's description of me

"Well, she never splits 10's and she's not afraid to hit on 16."
-- My friend Courtney when asked to say some kind words about me

"No."
-- My friend Courtney when I asked her to spot me some chips after I hit on 16 and busted

"Seriously, no. I think you've got a problem."
-- My friend Courtney five minutes later

"After reading this, it's pretty obvious why you're still single."
-- Guy who read my profile


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RELIGION:
I don't believe in God though I can get along fine with people who do. However, I'm prone to a bit of eye rolling when it comes to blindly obeying archaic rules so if an organization dictates what you put on your pizza or how safe your sex is, we probably wouldn't mesh.

KIDS:
I'm great with kids--I'm Super Aunt to my nephews-- but the parental lifestyle on a regular basis just doesn't appeal to me. If your profile says you want children or you already have young kids that live with you full time, cheers to that but I'm not the girl for you.

DISTANCE:
I'm open to dating someone who lives outside my vicinity but I'm not sure if I can muster up enough excitement to make a long haul for a first meeting. So if you live kind of far and decide to write me, I'll assume you're willing to meet at a time when you're in my neck of the woods.

FAVORITES:
Since the guys who add me never write me, the only purpose as far as I can see is to track when someone visits this site. Call me old fashioned but I prefer to be stalked in person. Spare me the trouble of removing favorites and just send me an email asking for my address so you can hide out in my bushes like a real man.

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR:
I want to find a special guy who's ready for a sincere, meaningful relationship. I have no interest in the jaded type who complains about treating a woman like a queen but one who relishes the opportunity and who appreciates being treated like a king in return.

RESPONSES:
I read all emails and check out the corresponding profiles-- even if you have a mullet. I won't respond if you have a mullet but I'll definitely be curious what your profile is like. If you don't hear from me it's either because I don't think we'd be compatible or I can't come up with a witty retort to your two-line profile and email that only said, "Hi" (a little effort can go a long way). I do place a high premium on courtesy and wouldn't go the silence route with someone I've established a rapport with because I think that's cowardly. However, I try to live by the Golden Rule and when it comes to first contact emails on an online dating site, I'd prefer no response over a "no thanks" so that's how I operate in return. But if you don't get a reply from me, I strongly encourage you to decide it's because I'm a rude b!tch and you're too good for me. Because you probably are.

I prefer to meet for a drink or two in a bar and I'd like to do it sooner rather than later. A bunch of emails and phone calls are a waste of time if there's no connection in person. So if you're out of town or super busy, it's probably best to wait until you're available to contact me.