**Warning. This profile contains inexplicable randominity and low brow humour that may result in the following ailments: visual impairment, bouts of dizzyness, a general feeling of underwhelmingness and paranoia, migrains, asphyxiation, that man behind you burying that dagger in your back LOOK OU-Ah, oh, my appologies it was merely a lamp. Ahem. That is all.**

"Women are sphinxes without secrets" - Oscar Wilde

I need a girl and a relationship to throw unhealthy amounts of energy and time into. All my other hobbies are stagnating. But really I'm very serious about this. Honestly...I swear...lots...

***Also just an Authors Note: This profile is sorta old, and I don't have any plans to update it regularly, at least until I find this site to be more than an occassional distraction. So sorry if you were hoping for new witless prattle any time soon.

A cracker looking for a fire. Just kidding, I say no to drugs, or usually just shrug.

Likes: Monkeys, cream filling, trampolines, bottle rockets, 80's cartoons, outerspace
Dislikes: Technicolour, pogo-sticks, hotdogs, shampoo samples, gravity, stools
I know not anything else.

Sports I Can Do: Hockey, Football, Soccer, Baseball, Basketball, Tennis, Swimming, Snowboarding, Track, Biking, Rollerblading.
Sports I Try But Fail To Do: Surfing, Skiing, Skateboarding, Driving, Dating, Wrestling.
Sports I Would Need To Be On Drugs Other Than Steroids To Be Able To Even Want To Do: Cricket, Polo, Soccer (rioting), American Gladiators.

A Short (well you know...shortish) Synopsis of my Pet Peeves. Enjoy and remember!
Cutifying words (ie: Hug > Huggle.)
Silent letters
Headphones that don't actually hold in the sound
Overhead projectors (it's personal)
Non eraseable eraseable markers
Pacwoman
Special edition re-releases
Holiday homework
Sticky keyboards
Tweens
Parks without swings
Midnight bus rides
Curly posters
Some girls
Most guys
That guy over there...
Sunday morning cartoons
Softcore porn
Sideways emoticons
Shopping trips to appliance stores (Canadian Tire, Home Hardware, etc)
Yellow lights
Camping with electronics
Soccer fans
Moisture absorbant hairgel
Dogs smaller than my head
Undercasing of pillows (they look like WWII bandaids)
Juice with pulp
Takeout breakfast
Hard erasers
Posers (unless you're a master of disguise, be yourself)
Rough ceilings
March (minus the break)
People who snore, talk, and groan in their sleep, all at the same time. (My roomate)
Loud whispering (what's the point?)
Weather forecasts of 50% or less chance (Uh, be more specific.)
Everything I've ever seen on TVO...no wait...yeah, everything.
Garbage bins divided into THREE categories. (What happened to recyclable, non-recyclable?)
The semi-colon (It's useless; no one knows how to use it. Except me.)
People who put PS (post script) in their emails or instant messages, the whole point of PS was as a way to add on something you suddenly remembered when there was no way of going back and editing. Yet computers allow you to do that. So don't pretend you're addle-minded.
People who message me from halfway around the world expecting a date.
People who've made the snap judgement of excluding those who've messaged someone looking for an intimate encounter from messaging them. It's presumptuous and rude. For instance I converse on here with my friend sometimes who happens to be looking for that, does that mean I am? No it doesn't.
How nobody gets how perfectly, cute, funny, intelligent, and pleasant I am.

Btw, if you're still here, bravo; we have something in common, you need a life as much as I do.

Also I have poetry on my "site that everyone has, comes with a lot of SPACE -hint hint- incase anyone needs a good cry, or something to plagerize for english class.

**** if that wasn't random, I desperately am in need of another outlet for my emotions, for instance a plane and some tall buildings. (Just kidding CIA)

For those who like more traditional lists...
Movies that blow my load: Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 12 Monkeys, Se7en, Smokin' Aces, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (original), 28 Days Later, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Spirited Away, Howls Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, Fifth Element, Fight Club, Snatch, The Departed, Children of Men, Girl Next Door, Event Horizon, The Cable Guy, Pulp Fiction, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, All the Monty Pythons, Road to Perdition, Sin City, Watchmen, Running Scared, Lucky Number S7even, The Dark Knight, Blade Runner (the first time you watch it), All of the Hannibal movies, Most horror movies before 1990, Mel Brooks comedies, Anything with John Wayne or Marlon Brando, and more than enough others to make this list seem rather unnecessary.

TV Series that do the same: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Robot Chicken, Family Guy, The Office, Little Britain, Extras, anything we haven't yet stolen from the Brits or Japan, the news (when it's tragic), most anything anime.

Bands that fill my void: A Perfect Circle, Tool, Alexisonfire, Metric, Justice, Daft Punk, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Silverstein, Within Temptation, The Strokes, White Stripes, The Arcade Fire, Korn, Bloc Party, Death Cab for Cutie, Sonic Youth, Anberlin, Coheed and Cambria, Smashing Pumpkins, Alivin and the Chipmunks (yeah you heard me), and lot's of other stuff from random genres.

Oh and one more thing, I know it looks like I'm wearing eyeshadow in my pictures. Trust me, I don't, they just do that normally. Although I wouldn't be against considering a little makeup if I knew how to do it or had someone I could steal it from. ^_^

Show up, bearing flowers, or maybe frankinsense, myrrh or gold. Probably gold since I don't know what those other two are. The first one might be the cologne Frankenstein supports, seems everyone has there own scent nowadays. And yes my humour is usually at least that lame, and it's as uncontrollable as a Canadian-made nuclear warhead. Uhm, wow I haven't really said anything about the date, I don't really know if I've been on any, I mean I've gone places with people, but dates seem more like interviews, and I don't pretend to have that level of organization. Anyway, my friend thinks I'm a really shy guy who needs a girl to build his confidence with so maybe we'd play monopoly and you could let me win?

No but really, it depends on how fast of a runner you are. >.>