I guess I'm going to attempt to dazzle you with my superior writing skills and convince you that I am the woman of your dreams, you just don't know it yet. Did I mention I am very humble as well? ;^)
Some of the fellows I have corresponded with here have mentioned that in my former profile I came across as being rather bitter and jaded. This gave me pause..what you need to know first and foremost is that I am very sarcastic, and by default I assume that everyone gets it and takes it with a grain of salt. Apparently this is a mistake on my part. So, do I reign in my natural tendencies, or do I write a lame, non-offensive generic profile like everyone else?
*ponders the thought*
Sorry guys, I am who I am, and I want someone who gets me, and not only understands my sarcasm, but can give as good as he gets. So, those of you who are easily confused or offended, leave now, cause we WON'T be a match. If I have to censor myself in order to have a conversation with you, then frankly, I don't really want to talk to you. But hey, thanks for stopping by!! :P

Random Facts (before it gets too boring):
I have two kids. Boy and girl.
I have two jobs. Busy.
I like men.
I AM independent, but relish being able to depend on someone.
I am a work in progress. You should be too.
I can be a tomboy, or a girly-girl. Depends on the task at hand, and my mood.
I love kissing..in fact, if your kisses don't make my knees go weak, I won't kiss you again.
I will not waste a lot of time emailing back and forth, I am a busy woman, and I want to LIVE life, not talk about it.
I hate seafood..no really, I think it's gross. I won't eat anything that looks the same dead as it did while it was alive, and I don't do internals. *shudders*
I LOVE steak.
I LOVE cheese.
Cuddling is overrated. :P
Strong dislike for excess body hair. I like smoooooth skin. ;^)
Today I sprayed static guard in my hair. It doesn't smell pretty, but, my hair isn't stuck to my face. And besides, no one but me smells my hair these days. :(
I am on the thin side (129 lbs) and prefer a guy who's slim as well.
I don't drink, I don't do drugs, but I DO smoke. My only vice..and yes, one day I will quit, but it won't be for you, it will be for ME.
I am a sensual, passionate woman. This means I love sex, and I'm very confident and open about it. BUT, I don't do random hook-ups. I want one partner, with whom I can explore my sexuality and experience nirvana. If you are one who uses sex as a weapon, please don't bother messaging me. I'm an adult, and I'm only interested in other adults, who are confident and not intimidated by passionate women.
My profile is always a work in progress. I am constantly tweaking it, and (hopefully) improving it.
The joke below is just that; a joke. If it offends you, we are NOT compatible. Move along.
In a nutshell, I am looking for that one guy that makes my heart beat a little faster; who I can't stop thinking about and when I do think of him, I smile. Are you that person? If so, stop reading NOW and email me, quick!! ;^)

Addendum: If I don't reply to your email, it means I am not interested. Most of you guys don't cotton well to rejection, so I prefer not to send a rejection email. Capiche`?


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I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.•´*



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