WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR
My expectations on this site are low. If you can speak English, and are clearly recognizable as a woman when viewed from a distance, you're off to a flying head start.

I am a complex man, but my physical requirements in a female partner are simple:

- hips wider than waist
- a full head of hair
- smaller biceps than my own
- full mobility

That's not to say you can't have some curves. Just carry it well and be open to physical activity. I'm 160lbs, and I stay active. You'll see me jogging, cycling, and walking all over town. I don't expect to meet a gym rat - just someone that takes care of themselves. (But bonus points if you do have a gym membership.)

I'll be perfectly honest. I could use an ego boost. I'm long overdue. I want the kind of woman that is desired by others. I don't want to feel like I'm picking up the one that was left behind. To use an analogy: I'd rather be in a Ferrari than a Kia, but I'll "settle" for a Porsche. OWCH! (This is the problem with car analogies. You want to slap me now don't you?)

MY HOBBIES
- Martial arts
- Jogging
- Cycling
- Hockey
- Baseball
- Computers & funky gadgets
- Cars

(I am slowly introducing new hobbies into my life as well.)


MY GOALS/ASPIRATIONS
- Make order out of chaos (ie: Try to understand women.)
- Use as many bolded, italicized, and CAPITALIZED words as possible in this profile
- Develop better goals and aspirations


MY TASTE IN MUSIC
I hear enough of it at work every day. Always the same songs. So anything but those songs would be great.


WHAT MAKES ME UNIQUE
- I'm left-handed.
- I have natural blond hair (for now).
- Apparently I gab way more than the average guy.


ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS
A) Yes, I'm that d@mn good!
A) If by "men in uniform" you mean martial arts, then yes I wear a uniform!
A) I know I can make you laugh. I just don't know if you'll be laughing WITH me or AT me.
A) Yes, I'm a bad guy. All guys are bad. What separates me is the fact that I'm HONEST about it.


WHAT HAPPENED TO LIPSTICK?
I miss the days of women wearing bright red lipstick. (Bonus points if you can leave a lipstick mark on my face.)


PROFILE OR JOB AD?
When I read the profiles on here, many of them read like a minimum wage job posting. I need to be available days, evenings, and weekends (to cater to your every need). I need my own transportation (so that I can chauffeur you around). I need to dress like a goof (to meet with your approval). In exchange, you'll give me as little as you can get away with. You'll use me to help improve your own life and then lose me when you no longer need my services. Gee, where do I sign up???


THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
While men discriminate based on physical traits that are changeable through hard work and a healthy diet (eg: slim, toned body, clear skin), women discriminate based on physical traits that are predetermined from birth. (eg: Height, hair color, baldness, etc.) Now you tell me who the "fairer sex" really is. Exactly.

(There are a few exceptions, but they are few and far between. Thus you see my dilemma.)


THE PROBLEM WITH DATING SITES
The trouble with any dating site is the 10:1 ratio of guys to girls. Guys are fishing from a small pond on this site. Lots of leeches, plenty of guppies, but nothing I'd want to take home and eat. OWCH! (I'm going to stop with the analogies already before I hurt myself.)


MY UBER SEXY POSEDOWN IN MY UNDIES PHOTO
I wanted to find a photo of me at the beach or something so that I could shamelessly give a "plug" to my body (which I'm proud of) without making it so dang obvious. Everyone does it and don't pretend otherwise! Heck, I see women walking around town wearing less clothing than that. Anyhoo, I quickly realized that I didn't have any beach photos so I just made the equivalent in the living room. And while I was at it, I felt the urge to strike a cheesy pose. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing right? So use your imagination and pretend that I'm at the beach (or some other environment where I'd be topless). UPDATE: They deleted the photo. Dang prudes. It's available via MSN or email.


MISCELLANEOUS TIDBITS
- Walk or run in the rain: Run. (Allows the drying process to begin sooner when I get inside.)
- Coke or Pepsi: Coke. (It's the original.)
- Ketchup or vinegar on fries: Ketchup.
- Car or truck: Car.
- Rent or own: Own. (I don't like making other people rich.)
- PC or Mac: PC. (More bang for the buck.)
- Boxers or briefs: Briefs. (Have you tried playing sports without a bra? Exactly.)
- Wet or dry shave: Both. (Dry shaves are fast, but wet shaves are soothing.)
- Summer or winter: Summer. (Love the warm weather.)


THE OBESITY EPIDEMIC
Look at the CMA Guide weight chart. If you're say... 5'6" (65 inches tall) you should be between 115-150lbs according to doctors. That's not just so a guy can scoop you up in his arms, or have sex with you standing up, that's for your own long term good. I find healthy women to be attractive. (Imagine that.)

Bonus points if:
- You're slimmer than I am
- Your ribs are clearly visible
- You have/had an eating disorder (washroom is upstairs, first door on the right for all your purging needs)

(You're not taking this seriously are you?)


THE COLD HARD REALITY OF MY LIFE
I'm tired of looking for a relationship. Maybe it's time to face the reality that we (women and myself) don't "click" and we never will. My brain doesn't work the way a woman's brain does. I'm really not interested in the things that 99% of women find interesting. I find most of your profiles to be dreadfully boring.

At this point I have a one track mind. All roads lead to the bedroom or the couch. Your choice. Anything that helps move the process along toward either of those locations is fine by me. Just hand me the "life remote" so I can fast forward through the usual "get to know you" drivel and get to the good stuff. (Too bad I can't just hand you a video to watch that tells you all about me.)

I am the opposite of a "player". My problem is that I don't play nearly enough.

First dates usually feel like job interviews to me. I like them better when they're over and I know things went well.