COOL Quotes of the WeekIt has always been my private conviction that any man who pits his intelligence against a fish and loses has it coming. ~ John Steinbeck
The best way to a fisherman's heart is through his fly. ~ Author Unknown
JOKE OF THE WEEK: PET FISHA man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing
The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!"
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take ‘em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game warden was curious.
The man poured the fish in to the river and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH"
"What fish?" the man asked.
Bonus JokesThree BlondesThree blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the third blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
The Irish PriestAn Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't had a chance to get his beloved waders on and his favorite flies out of their box.
Strangely though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.
The weather forecast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.
The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognize him. An angel up in Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something about it.
With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record Salmon.
Confused, the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a lesson."
God replied, "I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?"
The Ice FishermanOne day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
The MonasteryOne day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside a monastery.
A monk came out and invited him inside to have dinner and spend the night. The motorist accepted. That night he had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips.
He decided to compliment the chef. Entering the kitchen, he asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?"
"No," the man replied, "I'm the chip monk."
A Fishy StoryA woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend. After making love, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called," she says, speaking in a cheery voice.
"Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific...
Great!
Thanks...
Okay...
Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
The Truth Shall Set You FreeThe manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some "gymnastics". Afterward, they both fall asleep.
When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o'clock in the evening.
He jumps up in a panic wondering what he's going to say to his wife. He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. Then he finishes dressing and goes home.
When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he's been until 8:30 in the evening?
The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.
His wife looked at him very carefully and when she saw the state of his shoes, she exclaimed: "You liar, you've been FISHING!"
The WifeTwo guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!"
"That bad, huh"
"She did everything wrong!! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures, and WORST of all, she caught more fish than me!"
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