TOO LATE, LADIES. I'M NO LONGER ON THE MARKET.

I'm just here for the forums. But because my profile amuses me, I'm leaving it up. :-P

Did you ever talk to someone on the phone, and while you were talking, you saw the most beautiful/awesome/cool/unusual thing you'd ever seen in your life, and you pointed at it (while on the phone) and told the person on the other end, "Hey, look at that!"?

Yeah, that's what describing myself is like. I point at myself and say "Lookee!", and nobody else has any idea what I'm talking about, and I'm at a loss for words for how to describe it- I mean, me. Usually I just end up rambling, which is precisely what I'm doing now. I hope you've got a comfy chair and a hot cup of coffee, because you're going to be here a while. That being said: Lookee! *points to self*

Before I even start, let me clarify something. Look at my interests. There's a lot of stuff up there, and that's only because I ran out of room. Every single person on Earth has just as many, if not more. And that's not even scratching the surface. So if I'm looking at your profile, and you have just a blurb in the "About Me" section and I can count your interests on one hand, then move along. I'm not going to put forth the effort to get to know someone if they don't even know themselves.

Anyway, I'm a pretty clever guy, though in person I don't usually play to that strength much. So keep in mind that even if I'm wearing blue jeans and a ball cap, I can still hold my own in conversations ranging from camping equipment to classical literature to quantum mechanics. But I'm still a guy: I like movies where stuff explodes, or there's a possibility of seeing boobies. I like to drink beer, I laugh at farts, and I'm terrible at karaoke, despite my own opinion. Just because I'm clever doesn't mean I'm a freak.

Oh, before I forget: I'm a nerd. I watch late-night TV, I go out to eat at about 130AM, spend entirely too much time on forums, and have hotly contested debates with near-strangers over how badly Batman could kick Superman's ass. Combine an irreverent and sarcastic sense of humor with a short attention span and a IQ that rides the line between "genius" and "lunatic", and it's not hard to see why I don't go out all that often.

I have my ups and downs just like everyone else, though the intensity of them seems scaled up a couple notches. I detest those who revel in being ignorant, as well as people who argue or try to provoke argument over stupid, menial crap that really doesn't affect anything whatsoever. My views on events/controversies tend to be the same, I either full-on support an idea or concept (FOR Capital Punishment, AGAINST wall at the border...and republicans in general), or passionately decry it. And I absolutely HATE when people 'just go along' with things. If you have an opinion, I hope you have a reason for it.

As you can see by the interests section, there's lots of stuff I like. In case you need some more, I also like watching movies, randomly driving to somewhere pretty, ticklefights, BIG dogs (if I can't ride it, it isn't a real dog!), little kitties...all sorts of things, really. I'm rather learned in matters of History and Theology, and can hold my own in philosophical debate, as well as discussion of cartoons. I'm a man of many tastes, though I prefer things with lots of garlic.

In terms of what I look for: honestly, I'm not picky when it comes to appearance. As long as you give a sh*t about how you look, that's (usually) enough. I happen to like curvy women (quite a bit, actually), though I loathe having to be an ego-by-proxy. Meaning: if I tell you you're attractive, I mean it. Stop asking.

Since I completely lack culinary talents, a woman who can cook will have a much easier time sliding into my good graces than one who cannot. I also speak Spanish fluently (the Casilian dialect, which differs from most of what people in the States hear), and thus have an appreciation for the fluidity of voice, as well. Now, if you can cook, sing, AND speak a foreign language, feel free to click the "Contact trippy_hare Now!" button. Emphasis on the NOW.

I don't "date around", swing, or have any interest whatsoever in bisexuals. I'm not the type to plan things, and although I am very opinionated, I don't want someone who agrees with everything I say. No illegal drugs either, as I've been clean and sober for years and have no intention of going back. Drinking is ok, so long as you aren't a "drink to get so smashed I can't even see anymore" drinker. Smoking I don't care about, as I'm a smoker too.

Deal breakers

I don't demand attention, but I do expect it. If I call/email, I'd like a return call/email. If a woman insists on meeting my family, I expect the same. It's like courtesy, only a little more-so. I don't want to be the one always making the plans, or always paying, or always driving. It's a two-way street.

Dating around/swinging/cheating. This is fairly straightforward: I don't share. If you want to date me, it's going to have to be exclusive. Sorry, but I'm not going to "play the field" or "dress to impress" or any other such nonsense just to "win" you like some plush toy at a carnival booth. I happen to think people are worth more than that.

Head-games/teasing/lying. I may be intelligent, but that doesn't mean I'm complicated. I don't like having to figure out what a person is really saying, I don't like deciphering hints that only make sense to whoever left them, and I don't say words like "love" or "need" without meaning them. I would prefer the same. For the record, I define teasing as "Purposely trying to make me think I'm going to get something without any intention of actually giving anything". That's a lie: and lying in general isn't something I handle well. Look at it this way: if you don't like being lied to, don't do it to me.

One last note. This part is important, so pay attention. Ladies, I don't need you. I'm not going to chase you. I prefer befriending a person first, and if you just wanna be friends, fine. But I won't be led on. You don't want a liar or a hitter or any of that? Ok, fair enough: but remember that it means I'll tell you that you look fat in that dress, I'm not going to go see "The Notebook" or whatever with you, I'm gonna go hang out with The Guys and no you can't come along, and I'll walk out in the middle of an argument if I feel myself losing my temper. I don't want anyone to change their whole life just for me, and I'm not going to change my entire life for someone else.

Just because I seem like fun online doesn't mean I actually am. I tend to be overly serious in person. It's really, really hard to get on my good side. Getting a cup of coffee and chatting is usually enough to demonstrate that it wouldn't work between us.

That, or we'll end up staying for over eight hours and forty-two pots of coffee, talking about everything from how in the world ancient cultures invented things like beer or cheese to Gamma Ray Bursts and zombie movies. :-P

By the way, I dislike the concept of testimonials. If anyone has even a passing interest in me, they ought to have it of their own accord: not because of something they saw or read from someone else.

Oh, it might help if you are an insomniac. I don't sleep much.