I'm absolutely not what you're looking for, because

- you don't like a man who can make you fall out of your chair laughing.
- you don't want a man who's taller - lots taller - than you are.
- you think working brain cells in a man are 'icky.'
- you prefer being viewed as an impersonal object of lust than as a unique, fascinating person.
- you'd really rather not find a guy who's all natural. Really - I don't have implants. (Sorry to disappoint you.)
- your ideal man has no idea what he wants, where he's going, or what time it is.
- you don't like guys in shining armour.

PS. if you're asking about the hair in the "armour" pic... it's like the other pics now. Every time the peasants started revolting it got in the way of putting on my helmet. So, off it went. Along with their heads.

And if you're still reading this - wow, you really are perverse. We might actually get along....

Begin our quest for world domination! 'tho if you're feeling peckish, we could go somewhere for food first....