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I'M JUST HERE FOR THE FORUMS!
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JUNE 2006:
I had a recent conversation with God that went something like this:
GOD: Gardennut, I have given you a good life.
ME: Yes, Lord, you certainly have.
GOD: I gave you loving parents, three wonderful children, many close friends, and a rewarding profession.
ME: Yes you did, Lord, and I'm really grateful for the C-cup, too.
GOD: Don't mention it. Anyhow, I've been thinking that it's time to shake up your life a bit.
ME: I thought that's what the teenagers were for.
GOD: Yes, but your older two are grown now, and the 9-year old is an angel. You need a new challenge.
ME: I did try driving the 401 the other day.
GOD: No, bigger than that.
ME: I could try shopping at White Oaks Mall on Boxing Day this year.
GOD: Listen to me, Gardennut. I have made my decision: YOU WILL BEGIN DATING AGAIN!
ME: DATING???
GOD: Register with the Plenty of Fish dating site.
ME: Now? I still have 25 pounds to lose!
GOD: Your soul mate will see your inner beauty.
ME: Uh huh.
GOD: I have someone special in line for you.
ME: You said that last time.
GOD: Well, didn't you learn important lessons from that relationship?
ME: (mutters under breath)
GOD: I heard that.
ME: Sorry. Just no more prettyboys, okay?
GOD: Agreed. Remember, you're the one who keeps sending up those prayers for a strong, kind and giving man to be brought into your life.
ME: (sigh) True enough. Okay, thy will be done.
GOD: Don't get all biblical on me.
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