Something I really enjoy, is to take the way someone looks at something, and totally pervert it. Make them look at it completely differently.
Here for the forums.
Proudly scaring the hell out of men since 1978.
My goal is to live my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, God and Satan both shudder & say..."Oh shit....she's awake!!"
If one isn't slightly pessimistic, one just isn't paying attention. Just sayin'. In view of this, I now make all important decisions using the Magic 8 ball.
Yes, I think Nascar is the most incredibly moronic "sport" (and I use that term loosely...) in the universe.
Please do not send me a note that says something trite, or yet worse, crass. I will give you examples so you will know what to avoid: "Hi, my name is _____ and I think you are real sexy. Want to chat sometime? P.S. Nice tits." "Ur profiel lokos real kewl, we knead to tawk." "Babe, wat is ur bra size?" "U r hot" "Do u liek Nascar?" "Do you like younger guys?" "MILF!" "are you 420 friendly?"
Note, these are actually copied from messages I have gotten. Names were omitted to protect the perverse and illiterate. I hope these are helpful to you.
Please Sweet Mary, mother of God, do not send me an IM. I do not cyber, cam, or phone. Having actually had sex before, I find this sort of activity to be quite silly.
Please, if you don't "get" Monty Python, do not bother to contact me. You will never understand a lot of my cultural references.
If I add you as a favorite, it is more than likely that you have said something I found completely hilarious or insightful in the forums. Do not imagine that I am looking at pictures of you and masturbating. I am merely stalking you in the forums and mean you no harm. Well, not much anyway.
I clean the chaff out of my favorites list on a regular basis. A lot of guys were adding me to their favorites that never talk to me. I have this severe delusion that the whole is more than the sum of the parts. So, if you add me to your favorites list and you are male and have not contacted me first, you may rest assured that when I am a sassy mood (just assume I am)...that a truly terrifying testimonial may randomly be assigned to your profile. As an example:
______ is a great guy, and looks very sexy in a black bra and panties. He keeps trying to steal my shoes and handbags, but at least he can put on makeup. It is disconcerting when your man looks better in lingerie than you do. or ______ is a repulsive pervert with that likes young boys, however since being removed from the priesthood he is genuinely trying to give up molesting young boys, and you have to applaud an effort like this. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How you express yourself says a lot about you as a person. Communication is the tool that we use to get through any relationship, regardless of what sort of relationship it is. Spelling, correct grammar and good manners mean a lot to me. Use both of them with flair and you cannot fail anywhere in life. This being said, I am always available for proofreading services should you need them and am very obliging. I want to know who you are, not what you do.
Several people of both genders have asked about my screen name, so I shall clear that up right now. It's the nickname my kids gave me because I usually wear black and boss them around a lot. This does not mean that I carry a strap on and a whip. Well, not usually. You have to pay extra for that.
Since it is an election year, I will "out" myself as a registered Libertarian. This means I don't want to hear a bunch of either positive or negative hooey about either candidate. They are both a bunch of whores. I am waiting for the Penn and Teller ticket, mostly because I am really looking forward to Teller's speeches.
Something that has come to my attention recently: By all indicators, I have the worst possible taste in men. If I like you, then rest assured there is something really wrong with you. If I am hitting on you, immediately seek the help of a qualified mental health professional. I have a referral list if you need one. If I fall in love with you, then you are obviously suffering from a severe personality disorder. Well, you aren't suffering from it, but your friends and family most certainly are. You probably haven't noticed yet, so I am including this to you as one of the many services carefully wrought with intense sarcasm that I provide on a daily basis to anyone who asks. If I should propose, just kill yourself now. Save the rest of us the time and energy. You can thank me later.
I am not crazy, well, maybe just a bit, enough to make life interesting. No presenting personality disorders, no pathological gambling, no manias, no paraphilias, no wild unpredictable mood swings. Just a few garden variety neuroses. I love to discuss politics, religion, philosophy, poetry, art, music, poking dead things with a stick, the periodic table of condiments that occasionally go bad, or anything that stimulates the mind and keeps it limber. I am comfortable in my own skin, and also enjoy wearing the flesh of other people who have truly irritated me. Oh. I did not mean to type that. Do excuse me.
I watch Food Network like it's porn. Yes, merlot is for pansies. Merlot is what you add to bad wine to make it drinkable. Then, you have a "blend." I am the kind of girl that loves poetry, romantic long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick.
I am very outgoing and always 100% honest about what I think on any subject. There will be never be any holding back. When I need to say something, I do it. If you don't want honesty, run away now. Run away fast, and hope you can outrun me and that I do not have a large stick. I ask for the same. If you are demented and twisted, with the sort of sense of humor that garners curious looks from others, well, we will likely be friends forever.
Extra brownie points for submissions in Haiku or Limerick form. As we progress, small symphonic compositions are always appreciated. Please capitalize the letters that should be. I am not a big e.e. cummings fan, truth be told.
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."-- Eleanor Roosevelt
First Date
Hmmm, first I would make you a sammich and bring you a beer. Then proceed to perform the lap dance of the seven veils. You don't believe this? Then you are very wise, my friend.
Jello Wrestling? Um, no. Tractor pull? I think not.
Well, OK... maybe Jello Wrestling. But not the red ones, they stain.
Park, coffee, a nice meal? Maybe. Museum? Hey, it's on!
I believe I would willingly change for that special someone. Hope sprin...
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Testimonials/comments from Mominatrix favorites list
YATM(tm) (Yet Another Testamoanial(sic) for Mominatrix)
I am but one of many monkeys typing, extolling this Goddess's virtues. One day I pray we will find the last and rest, until then we keep pounding.
Unworthy one that I am, it is an honor to bear and soberly pronounce this writ.
"To all who view this presence, greetings. Know that the Omnipotent Goddess, Mominatrix, purveyor of sharp shanks, sweet smells, deathless dialog, and beneficent protectress of all small fry and foundlings traveling through the pond, is come. Joyfully thou shalt grovel at her feet and receive stiletto heel blessings. Yea though she routinely speaks with the Creator and advises him in the esoteric etiquette of protocol, tact, diplomacy and shanking. She is the Big Sh*t, excuse me, the Holy Spirit, writ first in the beginning. Her name is whispered reverently, quietly, fearfully and in dank dark places so not to attract her attention. Verily, it is best to "share the love"."
Whoever she deigns to allow to pay her court:
A. will be privileged beyond dream, beyond thought, beyond belief, beyond sanity, beyond ... well ... beyond, eh?
B. will need the Midas touch to find that much lucre.
C. will need to be powerfully built to carry her current favorite selection of ... 'toys'.
D. should kill himself quickly so his physical death, at least, will be painless. His soul will scream forever.
E. All of the above.
The Mominatrix… I cannot hear those two words without instantaneously delving into a silent stupor featuring a heightened state of robust alpha wave vibrations; enhanced galvanic skin response sensitivity; and a blissful sense of simultaneous connective-ness and detachment with The Universe, my Innermost Being, and the free-checking-for-life membership at the Rancho Cucamonga Teachers Credit Union. But such is the presence and power of The Momi. As for those among us who have the humbling privilege of knowing Her, we share the deepest appreciation of Her incredible knowledge, and we marvel in stunned silence at Her having more culture than a Yoplait factory… more intellectualism than Mensa’s Annual Reunion or Steven Hawking after he blows a bowl of Mendicino Gold… more appreciation for opera than, um, than all of the rest of us who think it is not only grating on the ears but gayer than a Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies video filmed at the local Crate And Barrel… more loyalty to her friendships than a pack of puppy mill canines fed methadone-spiked kibble so they always come back to you… and more sardonic, Draconian perspective than a pre-menopausal dramatized nancy-boy film critic working the snuff film review booth at the AVN Film Festival and B.O.B. Blowout Truckload Sale.
And only knaves, fools, Nancy Pelosi supporters, and those still on dial-up dare disrespect Her by typing anything misogynistic, unrealistic, dipstick-ish, and anti-chick flickish on the esteemed forums herein. All who She deems to be boorish feel the wrath of her infamous spiked heels in the small of their back and the large of their shank-worthiness. I would literally bow down to The Momi--and I gladly do so by the proxy of this testimonial--but I have learned never to take my eyes off of Her after I observed those can-o’-whupass-openings she regularly puts on eeek. I hereby salute The Momi, cuz She done good. And she promised ten bucks if I did.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall ~ Who in this pond is fairest of all?" And the mirror said: "I have no freaking idea... but, I know who is the evilest of all evil geniuses in this pond. It's MOMI!!!!" When she is not busy devising schemes of world domination, she is busy crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in her doings. She pierces her victims' hearts with her sharp stiletto heels... impeccable taste in shoes, by the way. Oh, and the music... don't EVER try to question her music taste... if you want to live, that is. Charming, witty and smart, she does not suffer fools gladly, which is why *I* love her. That + she's gonna take me to that uber-cool dungeon-place where...errr... upsie...I am not to allowed to speak about that. Never mind. Bottom line, she IS the coolest fish of all and I have no idea why are you reading this instead writing to her already. Sheeesh. Just do it!!!!
well...this testimonial is long overdue, "mom" is a great person, having met her last year in person, "margarita swilling party poodle"... always love to read her forums that she writes, she is very special and so versatile. just a joy to know she seems to have alot going on in her daily life but can take the time for her family( i have met a few of them) and friends...-exceptional!
i look forward to knowing her for many years to come... she makes you feel so welcome in this "big pond that we call "pof".love you lots!
****Sandbug May 4, 2008***
She's not for the faint of heart-(so don't be a p*ssy) A brutally honest woman, how can you go wrong with that?!-(And when I say brutally, I really mean it) She's got a wicked sense of humor, and will never hesitate to put you in the Naughty Corner for a time-out. My sister of the shank, we are the "fearsome twosome". You should be afraid, be very afraid...
If you haven't got a spine, you haven't got a chance with this one. On the other hand, if you're an absolutely perfect man, you might have a slight chance, depending on whether she's in the mood for perfection at that point in time. Her wit is sharp enough to cut diamond like butter, and her intellect is sharp enough to cut her wit in twain. As for her grammar, it's as perfect as... hmm... I guess it has nothing to compare to. If you have ever missed a question on a spelling test, though, then I wouldn't risk it :P ~ David
this woman has a voice like an angel, and an attitude of patti smith. amazing. wish I had more time on my hands - this woman and her friend took me out for my birthday last year and it was a blessing for me because I was having a tough, rough day - "well that's what friends are for". she said when I thanked her. The world needs more people like her fer sure...Rock on babe!
As Ace has said, is there anything more that can be said about this incredible woman? She is fabulously wicked, incredibly wise, delightfully outspoken, and lives her life to the fullest. I have learned so much from her in the short time that I've known her. She is one of my personal heroes, and I am not one to give fawning compliments just for the sake of doing so. She may take a wooden spoon to me for tarnishing her image as a "tormentor", but...there is a genuine heart of gold under those fishnets and stiletto heels. Love ya "Trix".
What can I say that hasn't already been said! Mominatrix is bright, nice, and dedicated. She's also got a wicked sense of ... humor! We always have a good time at the movies or wherever we hang out. Fun to be around and great to have at your back. The best!
When you are one who is both intelligent and sensitive, as well as willing to take risks and be out there in the world, it follows that you also risk vulnerability. Only a strong woman is willing to take that risk...an old soul, good mother, good neigbor, e-friend,life observer. So, I am happy to have finally met "d" and look forward to her coming up here more often for her opera reviews. Congratulations on securing that honor, by that way! And guys, she has such a sweet looking, kind of girl next door face when you finally do meet her!!! But that is a secret...with that raucous sense of humor... how can any solid man not love her to pieces? New friend/old connection from somewhere in time, i look forward to continuing to share our experiences, strengths, some really funny jokes and our dreams for the future. You are deserving of a good, kind man who is vibrant, as well as strong and will provide love unconditionally, as well as appreciate and cherish the quality of the love that you offer to him in return!
I finally had the pleasure of meeting this amazing woman in person! Not only can she throw one heck of a boob-grabbin' party, she can make you laugh so hard your sides hurt! What an intelligent, fun, beautiful, witty (I could easily go on) woman! I just wish I could walk in her shoes (hehe).
What can I say about Mominatrix... No really, I mean, what *exactly* can I say about her without getting into trouble... You see, she likes to modify her testimonials for you when you're not looking and she thinks she's getting away with something (ok, she really is, but that's not the point...) She's just lucky she's such a Perl... Because otherwise I'd 'nix that testimonial so fast it'd make her hard drive spin...
The texture of this woman’s soul looks wonderful under the moonlight. But don’t tell her that, or she’ll beat you up alongside the head with a big stick. She’s an extraordinary combination of sass and real, genuine human-ness (it's a word, OK?). I’m glad she has my back (now that she’s done with my front). And a word of caution to you men out there: don’t even THINK of touching her boobs. They’re booked through 2009.
A breath of fresh air you are to me,
Not typical on these pages, that is for sure,
What a nice lady you seem to be,
You are so many things, but never a bore.
I also love to stroll along the beach,
As an ex-sailor, I need to see the sea,
Sharing a walk, could be company for each,
And enjoying the outdoors does not cost a fee.
So many admirers you appear to have got.
To my heart you might have held the key,
Added you as a favourite? I have not,
Because you are “taken”, it is not going to be.
I think I understand some of your desires,
A willing heart to help others, especially on here,
It could also have been nice if I were one of your brothers,
Perhaps I should just go out for a beer?
Hehehe...I absolutely ADORE Mom!! She is wonderful to talk to and a hiliarious read in the forums! And to those that keep picking on her in the forums...WATCH OUT!!! because Welder's Girl is only a few keystrokes away. So BACK OFF! Although I don't know her that well, she does give sound advice and keeps her wits about her. Too bad there aren't more individuals out there like her! Catch ya in the forums! ~Welder's Girl~
Mominatrix Appears on 110 members favorites lists and has 2 roses that can be sent.
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