If you’ve been sitting around in the singles' department, watching the handsome guy at the pool, if you've been overwhelmed by a career that hasn't left time for intimacy, if all your friends are married and you feel like the only person in the world who hasn’t found, "the one," then you may believe that there won't ever be a true love for you.
If that's true, then you need to start believing that love does indeed await you. Just as nobody gets to Paris without believing that Paris exists, nobody falls in love without believing that a wonderful love is possible for them.
That's because conceptualization creates reality. In the story of almost every successful tycoon, we read that there was a belief that against all odds he or she would succeed some day. It's no different with you: what becomes manifest in your life arrives because consciously and unconsciously, you believe it can happen—whether it's a better job, a new car, or a true love.
The precondition of love's ever arriving is that you believe that somewhere out there is a real live person for you to love. If you believe it, it'll be true; if you don't, it will never happen. In fact, the person who could be the love of your life could step right up and look you in the eye, and you could say, "Excuse me, I've got an appointment," and head off in the opposite direction.
Believing that there's a true love for you may seem like a very small thing, but for a lot of people there's a great big hovering doubt that this wonderful thing called love could actually happen to them. Maybe you've already had twenty-four hour lousy relationships, maybe your fiancé died in a car crash, maybe you've always believed you aren't pretty enough, smart enough, or successful enough, or you're so shy that you can't even imagine having the kind of conversation that could get you into a relationship in the first place.
Remember Cinderella? She lay in rags on her pile of cinders and dusted up after her nasty stepmother and stepsisters. The furthest thing from her mind was that she, the raggedy cindersweeper, could ever fall in love.
Yet deep inside, Cinderella had faith, because when the Fairy Godmother showed up, she was open to the possibility that something good could happen to her; she didn't run away.
Instead, she put her faith in the Fairy Godmother, she accepted that the pumpkin turned into a coach, and she stepped into the little glass slippers with absolute confidence. She didn't say, "My goodness, how do you expect me to walk on these, they're going to splinter the minute I put my feet inside them?" No, she was open to love. Deep inside, she already said, "I believe in love; I believe that miracles can happen."
If you don't believe in Fairy Godmothers, you'll certainly never see one. And if you don't believe in love, it will never show up for you either. So take a risk, find the faith, open your heart, and believe that the love of your life awaits you.
While browsing the news lately I noticed an article that discussed the ever-growing issue that is affecting many couples. Because of increased roles and activities that are assumed by spouses the amount of intimacy that is experienced within the couple is decreasing dramatically.
While I don’t claim that the lack of intimacy will without fail destroy a relationship, it is a need that exists. Couples who don’t take time and don’t save energy may grow apart and suffer emotionally. There are many needs to be met in many different types of relationships. Many times we are not even aware of the needs of a person because we are not paying attention or don’t care.
If we want to promote a relationship instead of watch it crumble it is key to ensure that we understand what the needs are of our associates and partners and that we strive to meet those needs. Meeting needs can become a dreaded task if we are not careful. The article I mention above paints the picture of a woman with a small business, three kids, and the household chores that she is accustomed to.
By the time the day ends and her husband expects or hopes for time alone to talk, be intimate, or share some other experience she is exhausted. The author quoted a girl in this situation, “It was just the feeling that I had to give something I didn’t have.” In the mean time, her husband felt rejected and unimportant because of the frequency of the scenario. What could the woman do? I propose that she could talk it over with her husband and then commit to reduce the number of things she was responsible for, call it quits at some hour dedicated to him/her, or a number of other things that could be done that would require planning time on both of their parts and provide the opportunity to have time alone.
There are solutions; and needs can be met without them being unwanted tasks. I conclude this section stating that the priorities a person has will determine how the needs of others are met.
Recognition, I know a man who is very successful. He has raised a family, owned several successful businesses, created great friendships, and been heavily affiliated with his church. He is constantly praised for his efforts by everyone except one key individual, his wife.
I know of a woman who has been successful in her nurturing a family, making a career, and participating in many organizations and clubs. She is also well known for her efforts and she is commonly thanked and praised by everyone but one key person, her husband.
The fact is that they live together and have raised the same family, participated in many of the same organizations and shared many of the same successes. But, they live in two separate worlds. They venture about conquering the world but they never recognize the other for success.
The sad part of this story is the fact that more often then not the two are criticizing each other’s work and decisions even though they are both very successful and well known for it. They have each told their children of the things the other is doing wrong and many times they don’t even know what they are doing because they are so used to these habits. Instead of building one another up in the eyes of other people and in each other’s eyes they constantly serve as black eyes.
I sensed they truly understood the difference between couples who flourish and those who founder: a willingness to adapt to inevitable changes in each other and a refusal to allow old issues to stand in the way.
The light of the body is the eye(s): if therefore thine eye(s) be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye(s) be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness ? While building "walls" within a marriage, how great is that darkness ?
The Compatibility Myth -We all know that technology is changing our lives at an astounding rate. I’ve watched with fascination as online dating has gone from marginal to mainstream almost overnight.
It seems like almost every week, I meet a couple who met online. Five years ago, that rarely happened.
All of them promised to help Us find someone who is compatible with us. You may be asking yourself, What’s so remarkable about that? Everyone knows compatibility is important when choosing a mate.
This is one of those times when “what everyone knows” is wrong. These days, when mental health professionals want to know what a happy marriage, or relationship looks like.
What about this thing We call compatibility? The tangible urgency of a tendril of hope that something will unite them? It will help a marriage—but only a little. It is not nearly as important as respect, acceptance, emotional connection, and communication.
How can this be? After all, we all know that conflicts erupt when we want different things, whether it’s what to do this weekend or how to raise our kids.
The truth is, while it might appear that the stumbling block is different opinions, the bigger problem is really how we communicate about those opinions. On the other hand, you can disagree about major life issues and still feel close and connected, if you communicate well.
Learned how to make it safe to express the entire range of our feelings on a subject, without being criticized or having to justify ourselves.
In this climate of acceptance, We are able to see that We have more common ground than We realized. We all wanted to be financially stable and good parents.
I see the same things happen in my career all the time. The more people feel criticized, the more they feel they have differences in values.
When We can communicate safely and respectfully, We discover We have more common ground than We realized. Not only that, it’s easier to find solutions for the differences We all do have.
So, what does the compatibility myth mean for your relationship?
First, don’t count on compatibility to get Us through. If We are experiencing that delicious sense of “having everything in common,” enjoy it, but don’t settle in for an easy ride.
Secondly, We have more control over our marriage, or relationship than We think. A great marriage, or relationship, isn’t something that just happens, like the weather. It is something We create, day by day.
So, what about all those happy couples in this life that met online? Aren’t they proof that “compatibility tests’ work? They might be proof that compatibility attracts, but that’s all.
Still, I am optimistic about the future of their marriages. Not because they’re compatible, but because they’re wise. They’re starting now to learn the communication skills that will keep them together and happy many years from now.
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