I'm not your standard, clueless guy. Why should you contact me?

--I don't own a knife or sword collection.
--I've got no felony priors, outstanding warrants, DUIs or arrests.
--I don't play videogames.
--I've no history of drug abuse. Just the phenylketonurics in diet soda.
--I've no 'outpatient conditions'.
--I have my own apartment--no family, curfew, or roomies. I walk around naked whenever I want and make as much NOISE as I want.
--I have TWO eyebrows.
--I always scrub behind my ears and floss regularly.
--I don't wear gold chains, pinkie rings, or big watches with shiny metal bands.
--I don't wear heavy, musky colognes, (or ones with 'secret pheromone attractors')
--I've never had an interest in taxidermy.
--I can dance (if they play SAMBA!!!)
--I've no hair on my back (or in my nose or ears).
--I keep my navel lint-free. Very important.
--I've been told that I have very nice feet.
--Kids and animals often like me. And I often like kids and animals.
--I have no tattoos or piercings (penis is not pierced either)
--I can kiss pretty well, no slobber, no vacuuming off your make-up.
--I can cook a meal on my own without reading instructions.
--I always 'put the seat down' after use, (when there is a girl around).
--I insist on getting the tab for any meals, and I always tip 20% (don't argue!)
--I can almost dress myself in coordinated colors some of the time. Certainly, for a first date I can manage this.
--I've never struck a woman (anywhere except on the butt).
--I won't try to discover your cup size in our first conversation.
--I'll never try to get you, me and your best friend from school all in the same bed together.
--I don't need to watch ALL of Spike Channel's, "24 Hour Eastwood Marathon".
--I won't invite myself over for hardcore sex after only speaking to you for fifteen minutes.
--I've never sat down to eat dinner without a shirt on.
--Or forked a bite from another's plate without asking.
--I'll never ask if I can wear your lingerie.
--I would not insist on watching a football game instead of conversing with you about why your cat is treating you so badly.
--As long as it's not the playoffs.
--I won't wear fireman's suspenders for you (sorry, freaks)
--I'm never pushy or selfish, never prone to jealousy or greed
--I'm not self-centered, controlling, or obsessive.
--My Robert Wagner impersonation--you will ruin your dress!

Major Faults: I don't ride a motorcycle, or wear leather; I don't know how to use dryer sheets, or bleach, I don't know how to shop for clothes or shoes; all my plants are plastic; I don't own a colander or a salad-spinner, and I have pairs of underwear that are more than four years old and which look as if they've been clawed by wild animals.


My latest scheme involves taking over the city and holding it for a $122.37 dollars ransom. If interested, signal me from a zodiac boat (via torch) at 1300 hours from a point 500 yards off the coast of Brooklyn. I need a henchwoman who can throw a good grappling hook and operate a helium-neon laser. Ha! They said I was 'mad' at the university--the fools! One day they'll bow to my will!!

Where websites are concerned, experience has taught me to avoid lengthy build-ups and elaborate 'first dates'. Better to just quickly arrange a face-to-face sit-down in Manhattan somewhere. Simple: a brief meeting for a slice of pie, or a couple of cafe drinks. Someplace where we don't have to shout to be heard; because there will be a huge emphasis on conversation.

Two requests only: First, please know what it is that you want--as in, do you want a good, regular guy in your life? Second: how much do you want this? Are you seriously looking or just "sampling"? NYC women are brutal with this behavior.

Next: glam looks don't always dazzle me. Warmth, smarts, attitudes and values matter too. I trust straightforward, genuine, girl-next-door types more than high-maintenance club babes.

Thumbs down: agendas & laundry-lists, demands and expectations. Not knowing what you want; or else, over-pickiness. Playing the field. Playing the "Sex and the City" lifestyle. Being dissatisfied with every man because you can't find one that fits a mysterious 'template'.

Thumbs up: ability to laugh at yourself. Self-awareness. Self-sufficiency. Good communication skills. The knack of reading people accurately. Ideals, opinions, passions, appetites, hobbies. If you have a background wildly different than mine, awesome--I like learning things!

Female
Age between 19 and 46