This is gonna be a long one, grab a drink.

Right, there is a lot of bull on this site and I aint adding to it, so here is who I am, what Im looking for and what Im not. Ready????

Im NOT looking to have a succesion of one night bonks, been there, done that. Not nice.
That is not to say that if you thrust your pelvic bone at me and attack my erogenous zone, (anywhere on body basically), I will not respond. I WILL.
Neither am I looking for a wife or housemaid, I can cook and clean and like my own space. I can also iron, BLOODY WELL HATE IT BUT, I CAN DO IT.
I am solvent so not looking to be looked after that way either.
What I am looking for is,Ill know when I find it.
If you want to break off to go to the bog or throw up, Ill wait…………

Ok, ready again?

FACT: I do not wish to offend but, Im not attracted to the larger lady, sorry, that’s just the way it is, shallow or not.
FACT: It is very unlikely I will be attracted to a woman older than me, they are FAR too grown up!
FACT: Im more interested in the size of your smile than the cup size of your bra.
If you look good in a mini or jeans there will be no tears of sadness from my eyes
Dont care if you are 5' or over 6', not an issue.
If you cant make a fool of yourself and have a silly sense of humour Ill probably piss you off big style.
If you are up your own anus because you think your Gods gift to man I probably will not like you at all.
I don’t give a monkeys if you live in a council flat and are on social or whether you own a multinational corporation, I will NOT be impressed by materialism.

So what am I offering you??

Well, someone almost normal really!
I have a sick, stupid, sarcastic bent to my character and it is always present, I do not do ‘moods’ Im balanced and take life as a blessing.
I have not been beaten to within an inch of my life with the ugly stick and I don’t do beer bellies.
Tall (6’).. hang on, just weigh myself….13 st 5 or 84 kilos so I am proportionate, not skinny and can fit through doors. Hair is cut really short due to most disappearing of its own volition and, I am told, a cute butt and good legs.
One thing I insist on is treating women like ladies, eg. If we go to eat on on a date, I pay, call me old fashioned, that’s a done deal and not open to negotiation.
No bull from here either, what you see and hear is EXACTLY what you get so, play the game and we will win,
**** me about and I WILL find out.
I dont lie and I dont tolerate liars at all. No need, cannot be a***d with the complications of untruth.
Easy going, not anal, well travelled, compassionate, caring and tactile. Kissing and holding as important as copualation to me.

So get your kit off ready and send me a mail. I am waiting :-) Not holding my breath though!

Whilst we are on the subject (were we?) FOREPLAY
Yep, that thing you do before getting down to the grunting bit.
Well for me its always better if you do the starters yourself after making sure I have some wine and cheese to keep me occupied and then give me a shout when you've warmed yourself up. Now, the secret is to make sure you are ready just before the adverts if Im watching sky or ITV that way I can get the jobby done and still be back in time for my programme start. I mean, dont get me wrong, Im not selfish, if BBC is on I can still get it together, especially if you come to me.



Bet my inbox is barren now!!!!



HAVE FUN

WHY ARE WE ALONE, WE COULD BE GOING OUT FOR A MEAL?

And another thing, whats this 'athletic' build on a woman mean?? Trust me, if you've got more muscles than me, Im intimidated.

I am getting some very nasty hate mails about this profile. So, if you dont see the humour in it, piss off and get a life, I aint impressed or affected by neurotic venom.

Oh, I almost forgot, Im sexy as hell.

Well, after sex we would probably have a coffee, unless we were both snoring like pigs or gasping for air after being physically tormented to within an inch of our lives.
Oh, leave me alone, I can dream.......

OK, we could do the ironing together...

Geez, relax.. Im joking....