So what do we write here ? "I prefer to see the glass as half full, rather than half empty....."."I miss the seventies, I think." "I don't need someone to fix me, I prefer being all messed up." Or "I value honesty and detest head games....". (Spoken languidly, as though you don't give a rat's behind) The best profiles are those cryptic ones, where you have to guess what in blazes the owner actually means. "...always, and in all ways...". Disjointed phrases that sound like the medication is wearing off. Nothin' like a little mystery to make you pound the delete button right off the keyboard, n'est pas ?
So, I read profiles. I appreciate literacy more than a big chest, I'd rather build something than watch sports,I'd rather have season's tickets to the symphony than some team sport. I love to cook and mess up the kitchen, I haven't poisoned anybody yet. (I'll pack your 'chute and push you out de aeroplane, might even jump wit' you if'n we get along real good.)I try to read a lot, but I don't read NEAR as much as I'd like to.
If all the little blocks on your profile say "Prefer Not To Say", I'm starting to get nervous. Are you in the Witness Protection Program ? When we meet will we both have wear gunny sacks over our heads ? Who is that guy by the door in the black suit and wraparound sunglasses that keeps talking into his lapel while he tries not to look at us directly ? Enchante, Princess Caraboo....
Age, always has something to do with it. If we were/are both on the same planet at relatively the same time, we might have a few common reference points. I'd love to say I can relocate. Truth is, that would involve a severe career change. .The thought of being a 'Kept Man' hasn't really entered my head. Ok, it entered. And left, fairly quickly. In truth , it comes and goes, mostly gone as we speak. I think. Wait. Nope, it's back again. Cue up the David Lee Roth tune !Pass me my hat, cane and my thong! "IIIIIII"m just a gigolo, evrahbuddy knows....". Maybe that wasn't so funny, I'd wager there ARE people out there like that.
I take great pleasure, in helping someone laugh. Relatively normal,no prison record,steadily employed,likes people of a similar nature. Comfortably literate. Loves music, campfires, telling and listening to stories. (Fell asleep during the opera Carmen once.)Taste in music runs towards the melancholy. Jazz confuses me, mostly. Rap just pi**es me off, get a job ya whiner, join the rest of the world that has to WORK for a living. Hates lima beans, brussels sprouts and parsnips. Loves strawberries, peaches and pears. Not really comfortable with snakes. Likes the concept of 'Pay it Forward'. "Smart as a Horse and Hung like Einstein.". Likes art , history, literature and doesn't mind your tattoos.Likes science but is far more interested in the things science can't explain.
You ever check horoscopes ? I'm leanin' towards believin'. Judging by a whole mess of people that I respect as being intelligent, honest and good hearted, I'll vote there is something to it. As regards compatibility, did you ever get back the answer : "WHAT THE HE** WERE YOU THINKING ?"
I'll add to this little by little and see how long it gets before they cut me off. Or people write just to say "Shaddap ya damnable fool, yer jus' makin' an idgit of yerself.". At that point, I shall butt into one of the many forums here on pof, where opinionated and sometimes arrogant people offer their unsolicited comments and advice, i.e.: just another sphincter muscle with an overblown sense of self-importance.
I won't post a picture on here of me with my dog, my bike or my truck. I don' have no truck, no how. Why all the pet pictures on here ? So we have a choice ? So we can gauge proportion ? Oh, the dog is IN the house, the motorcycle ISN'T.
Did you see the link that says "FIX DISTORTED THUMBNAILS" ??? Do they arrest people that give a lousy manicure, or do they send your picture to the the guy that runs the House Of Mirrors on the midway ? My nose has much more point to it and my ears don't stick out NEAR that far! Stretch my hairline back down to a late 70's look, will ya ? Alright ! Me an' Sam Elliot ARE twin brothers ! What about distorted profiles, who is in charge of that? If your cable package includes the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION channel, don't tell me, please. The fact that people are really serious about Golf and Curling still has me a little uneasy.(Not that they play them, just that they actually keep score...)
Ok, maybe I talk too much when I'm nervous. It happens, dealin' with it...
My Goats and Aspirations: Oh, that's GOALS and aspirations, sorry. See part about laughing, it fits here too.
Written on acid-free archival paper with earth-friendly soy based inks and tongue firmly-in-cheek. Void where prohibitted by law. For external use only. Do not use on unexplained calf pain.
And now , from the Home Office :
Must not have massaged users, intimately or otherwise.
Must not have messaged users, intimately or otherwise.
Must not have even CONSIDERED intimacy in this lifetime or otherwise.
Must not have posted picture of truck, quad, dog or toolbox, intimately or otherwise.
Must not be looking to Hang Out, Hang Around or be Hung Over.
Must not make disparaging remarks about Albert Einstein. Or his horse.
Must not be looking for Other Relationship. No BeerBuds or Past-life Experiences, intimate or otherworldly-wise.
Must not be interested in email, telephone or Morse Code transmissions.
Must not have tinfoil on their rabbit-ears.
Must not be looking for friends with death benefits.
Must have own dental plan.
Must score high on 26 of 29 Dimensions of Compatibility. By the way, How IS life on Venus ?
Must not want to 'ax me a kweschun r 2'. K?
Must not be looking to share dentures.
More to follow, pictures at 11:00.
Life can't always be dead damn serious, laugh a little. Lastly, thank you to those who did find this funny and stopped by to say so. Haaaaaappy Trails, To yoooouu...

A quiet place with good food, maybe cappucino and dessert,time to sit, talk and listen . (That would eliminate any place with a large screen TV or VLT's) If you found the ad under Sports Bars, sorry. Unless you go by the nickname 'Beaner' or 'Bones' , then it's your call. (We could crash a funeral and with any luck they'd be serving Heineken and Egg Salad sandwiches !) "Sorry for your loss, any more egg salad down that end of the table?".