I'm someone that is very easygoing - I love to laugh and make others laugh. I'm a true blond and have moments when I laugh at myself and wonder what the heck I was thinking! I want someone that is passionate - I want kisses at red lights, hand holding, and hugs. I want my best friend and partner in crime. I want someone interested in who I really am, just as I want to know what makes him tick. I want someone who knows how to make me laugh after a bad day, and I want to give the same to the person I'm with.

I see the glass as half full, not half empty. I'm a very positive person and look for the same attitude in others. I want gentlemen who treat women with respect, someone who opens a woman's door and has basic manners. I'm very outgoing once I get to know you. I'm girly and enjoy dressing up in the perfect little black dress and showing off my legs - just as much as I love kicking back in a great pair of jeans with a baseball cap and t-shirt. I enjoy going out, and also love a nice quiet evening at home watching a movie and just cuddling.

Not a good match if;

1) When you stand up you can’t see your feet..

2) Your married or have a girlfriend, just because you’re not standing next to her doesn't mean you’re separated; No I don't want to join the two of you for a night of fun.

3) If you feel the need to tell me how good you are at eating down south, when you don't even know me. It just tells me you have a small Willie and your only good at one thing and if you’re really all that good your butt wouldn't be on here, you would be putting on a show in some porn show thing.... And I don't need to know how big your feet are either, just because you have big feet doesn't mean you know how to walk...No I don't need to see a picture of your chunk, I've gotten a quite a few of those and let me just say guys it's OK to trim back the forest so someone can see the weed that's trying to sprout up...

4)If your pictures are over a year old, if your ashamed of what you look like what makes you think I want to be seen with you?? Yes I will notice if you packed on 50pds over night...You lost all your teeth.. Or all the sudden your hair turned all gray on your way over to meet me.. Just as you would if you were meeting someone who looked nothing like her picture..

5) If you're looking for a hook up. I haven't had a lot of hands in my cookie jar and I plan on keeping it that way. Let's just put it out there; I'm a woman and if all I wanted to do was get laid, I'd just go and stand at a bar for an hour..Yes I know I know we're both adults, so we all know that a woman that puts out when she first meets you, she will put out for your buddies when she first meets them too. No I'm not a prude, I'm 40 ..Think about it..

6) If your looking for a woman who's a size 2. I'm 5'4 140pds, size 6-8, I run 3-5 miles every other day, I have hips, I'm in shape with shape.. If your into post, there's a stop sign on every corner; have yourself a good humping...just make sure it's nice day out, if the sigh is frozen you'll stick to it..

7) If you live 50 miles or more away.

8)If you’re old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my kid...

9)If you feel the need to ask me; If I swallow, if I shave my southern regions, if I would let you spend some alone time with my kids out on your boat... Yes someone asked me that..

10) If you're an IDIOT.. Crack pipe user, have an addiction to other peoples medications, if you have ever been to prison, if your a practicing Mormon ie looking for more than one wife... you've either have really big balls or your crazy...

11) If you feel the need to call a woman nonstop, it's not 1988, everyone has caller ID... Calling once is good, maybe twice leave a message any more than that, you start to come off crazy...Stalkers please move on, if your insecure it's a turn off...get some help..

12) If you’re into spanking, dog collars, cutting while doing the deed, golden showers, you’re not for me… What kind of freak feels the need to pee on someone??!?! I grew up on a farm, animals don't even do that. Putting a dog collar on someone you're ass tries that on me, I'm going to bite you and bite you hard and the cutting thing.. wow just when I think I’ve heard it all someone else comes up with something new and crazy!!!!!

13) If you feel the need to announce that you’re horny and really need just to get laid on the first date and you feel the announcement should be so loud that everyone within a 10 feet radiance can hear … It’s called masturbation do it before meeting someone for the first time, it’ll take the edge off; or you can go to a site that offers that and if that doesn’t work I’m sure if you head into DC and for a small price you can get that taken care of for you...

14) If you feel the need to beg for anything ie, a kiss, a call, a responds to an e-mail even after someone tells you in a nice way no thanks … so not cute and it falls in the line of crazy, in which case it’s time for you to call your mama because she’s the only one that thinks it’s cute….Begging should only be done after two people get to know each other and it’s out of fun.. and if you don’t get that little hint, are you even old enough to be reading this profile (don’t turn perverted on me now)….

15) If you feel the need to ask me to grab your Willie at the end of the night (the first time meeting you mind you)so I would know what I was missing out. Just makes me want to shake my head and smack your mama for doing a bang up job on raising her son....

16) If you find my list mean, the fact is that I can put a name to each of those numbers and on some of them more than one name. I’m not bitter or angry and after the fact and find humor in most of it… and if your laughing at the list that’s a good thing, if I’ve offended you in any way I apologize and please just move on I don’t need a hate e-mail or a lecture on how unfair I’m being or how picky I’m being.....If you find my list offensive then what must you think of the men that have said and acted the way they did on my list????

I was informed that my profile is infamous on line and that I come off as a complete b****h. I don't get it. I am a single parent with 3 kids 2 gone and one still at home. I was raised to believe that women should be treated with respect just as men should be. I come up with a profile that I think is funny but yet to the point. I want something real and normal. I don't want someone that wants to spend time alone with my kids, I want someone that wants to know me and not just to get into my pants..Please if you don't get it just move on and leave me alone, I dont need the hate mail. I look at profiles if I'm not interested I move on...

First time meeting; we keep it simple, coffee, drinks a short walk, sitting down in a quiet place and just talking... This can last 30 mins or 3 hours...

We're all adults here and there is no need for either of us to be sitting eating dinner or locked into something that can have either one of us looking for the nearest escape route and wondering when the hell our phone is going to ring and save us...The first time is just a meeting not a date....

48 Hour Rule: The 48 hour rule is this - if you call within 48 hours after we first meet, it tells me you're interested in hanging out again. If you don't call, that tells me you're not interested. The same principle applies in reverse - if you call me and I don't return your call within 48 hours, I'm not interested in pursuing anything further. No harm, no foul, and no one is wondering what the other is thinking.