Hmmn...well, bugger the usual stuff for these things...

Abandoned as a child I was raised in the forest by wolves. This has its advantages and disadvantages. The good thing is that you develop an incredibly intimate connection with nature. The downside is that parent teacher interviews are a little awkward.

I monitor the frozen food section of grocery stores, looking for battered fish and providing them with a home where they need fear no longer...

I was soft spoken, until I put Viagra in my lip balm...

I am currently conducting research to explain why a "Drivers Education" manual is available in braille...

I like to go into Catholic bookstores and ask where their non-fiction section is.

Some say that vegetarians choose their diet because they love animals too much to kill them for food. I disagree. I think it's because they have a deep rooted hatred of plants.

I used to work hat check at a magician's conference...rabbits EVERYWHERE.

The bible says on the seventh day, god rested. Am I the only person who finds it slightly disturbing that 'he' gets tired?

Last week I organized a Haiku reading for stutterers...it was three hours long and we only got through three poems.

I'm currently lobbying government to enact a law that prevents Christians from becoming born-again unless they promise not to mention it to the rest of us who got it right the first time.

At the family Christmas dinner, my mum asked me if I wanted any of grandma's stuffing...I told her, first off that's gross. Second off, why did they take Grandma to a taxidermist?

What am I looking for? Well, you know, it's kind of hard to really see the point of saying "someone smart, funny, beautiful, with a laugh that lights up a room and a smile that could melt diamonds"...I mean, who isn't? You don't see many people with "I'm looking for a dumb, somber, ugly person with a laugh that sounds like a donkey having an epileptic fit and a smile that could break glass." Let's just leave it at 'no expectations, and no disappointments'.

As for the rest...well, there's playing piano (I can teach you to play Piano Man in about 30 minutes...and if you're interested in hearing a bit, 'm y s p a c e' dot com/dispelledmyths ), reading and hiking in the summer down in the White Mountains are big for me...and a gift for occasionally eliciting milk out the nose laughter...