There wasn't enough space under "interests" to include "jokes where the punch line is 'Her breath smelled like Kaye Ballard's couch'".

I'm a Pisces. I'm an American, a curmudgeon, bug-a-boo, minimally invasive, banal, neat, staid, flummoxed,****oastin’, tall, effete, meaty, short, licentious, Pyrrhonian, buttocked, askance, live, overt, covert, stain-resistant, lost, dumb, reality-based, nonporous, kindly, septuagenarian meddling teenager.

POP CULTURE SECTION:
* I never really listen to music anymore, except at the gym. My iPod that I finally managed to acquire features Slayer, Warren Zevon, Cinderella, and Elastica.

* I'm old enough to remember when you didn't have to pay for television.

* There are some movies I really like, such as Falling Down, Rocky, Stripes, The Big Lebowski, The Right Stuff, The King of Comedy, Citizen Ruth, Heat, Thelma & Louise ...but generally I don't like watching movies. The last time I went to a movie theater and actually enjoyed the movie, the movie was Borat . The wrestling scene in the hotel room reminded me of the locker room at 24 Hour Fitness where I work out . . . nearly every single day. What is wrong with me.

I spend a lot of time thinking about giving guys on Harley Davidsons the finger, Ambien abuse amongst my friends & acquaintances, the real reasons so many people are fixated on steroids in baseball, the "wet area" at 24 Hour Fitness, what people know vs. what people think they know vs. what nobody thinks one ought to know vs. knowing just enough to be dangerous, the word "debt", fear, loathing, clothing, high-rolling, driving arriving in-styling, ass-writing, saving, shaving, raving, ranting, panting, porking, working, walking but certainly NOT stalking.

I'm not...that...strong...of a dater.