Me: Successful business owner looking for a FUN, SMART and SEXY woman. Now that is out of the way, on to the good stuff.

I am a 43 y/o man who looks 75. I like to ogle the ol' dames at the swimming pool down at the local old age home. I really dig those bathing suits with the frilly dress bottom thingies that they wear. And don't get me started on how sexy those flowery swim caps are.

I like riding my motorcycle w. no hands whilst playing Bingo on my cell phone. I think I finally have this whole "pyromania" thing under control. But I may be wrong about that... One of my favorite pastimes is grabbing rattlesnakes by the tail.

I also enjoy dumping waste oil into the local rivers, stuffing potatos in the exhaust pipes of friends' cars, going grocery shopping in just a loin cloth and smoking banana peels. Sometimes I also golf, work out, ride my motorcycles, etc.

I own a business that drills holes in Swiss Cheese. It is very challenging. Plus, I get to eat the drilled out pieces. Actually, I own a construction company that constructs things.

I have always wanted to visit Saudi Arabia while wearing a burka. I love to stand outside of the Home for the Deaf and shout obscenities. For dating, I can get a weekend pass from the warden if need be.

Live, laugh, learn, love and have fun. It isn't that hard. I love to have FUN. I am most certainly not pretentious. But I can digress into geopolitcal mode if the discussion merits.

Oh, PLEASE know the difference between "your" and "you're". Also, please have a picture or two. It's 2009; there is NO excuse for not having pictures posted.

We could drive around in my '72 Pinto (with no rear bumper) and drink warm Schlitz beer.