Welcome to my profile. For your safety I ask that you please buckle your seat belt and keep your arms and legs inside the ride until the profile has come to a complete stop! You are prohibited from reading this profile if you suffer from high blood pressure, heart disease, or are pregnant. While reading this profile some people have experienced chest pains, shortness of breath, light headedness, and unexpected urinary realease. When the ride is over pick up your trash, wipe that silly grin off of your face, and carefully exit to the left :) My ideal mate likes to dust, vacuum, wash clothes, wash dishes, mow, weed eat, pay bills, make beds, wash cars, rake leaves, trim shrubs, buy groceries, take out the trash, and rub my back! Just kiddin...no I'm not...yes I am...no I'm not. Anyway where was I? Oh you should also bring something to the table such as a four wheeler, golf cart, plasma tv, and a bass boat. Please have picture of bass boat in your profile. I don't trust cereal makers. Did you know that Grape Nuts doesn't contain grapes or nuts? JERKS! I hate trying to convince a vending machine that my dollar bill is real. Are you feelin my pain? You should also be able to help me with some nagging questions like If corn oil comes from corn and vegetable oil comes from vegetables then where does baby oil come from? What ever happened to Preperation A through G? I am VERY adventurous. For example I sometimes run on wet pavement holding a pair of scissors with my shoes untied and a Jolly Rancher in my mouth and texting somebody! Heck one time I got liquored up and tore off one of those mattress tags that threatens penalty of LAW! I play outside without sunscreen and sometimes consume things that have been proven to kill lab mice. How DUMB is that? Without a doubt the most stupid thing I have ever done was the time I took some PMS and mixed it with some GPS. I created a witch that could find me!! Good LAWD kids don't try that at home! I hate it when people use child psychology on me or double dawg dare me to do something. They both work like a charm :) Relationships are hard. Some things that I have found that keeps you stuck on first base are mace, over protective dogs, tasers, and restraining orders! I mean...how can I get to know you if I can't come within 500 feet of you??? My friends describe me as funny, cute, considerate, and trustworthy. My enemies describe me as not funny, ugly, inconsiderate, and untrustworthy. Who "YOU" gonna believe? I don't care if you laugh "at" me or "with" me just as long as you are laughing :)

Some of the things that I like are cool weather, CNN, pets, Diet Dr Pepper, the hot tub that I don't have yet, sleeping with a fan, grapefruit without ANY skin, log cabins, fresh blueberries, being debt free, unlimited long distance, humor, thunderstorms, hunting, PF Changs, four wheeling, high speed internet, peach tea, Divine intervention, landscaping, cookie dough ice cream, holidays, fire places, driving fast, ESPN, and indoor toilets. I dislike hot humid weather, forgetting trash day, sweet potatoes, sun burns, telemarketers, ticks, fine print, mosquitoes, butterscotch, slow drivers, bills, rude people, swimming in the ocean at night, turtle necks, commercials, gas prices, ironing, junk mail, long lines, weeds, alarm clocks, coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, the flu, snakes, missed opportunities, sushi, reading, pizza burns on the roof of my mouth, pennies, coffee, and wedgies.

I married at 17 and was widowed in 2004. We moved from Mississippi to Missouri in 1987 with my job in grocery sales. My daughter is 25 and plans to be a nurse. My son is 20 and plans to be a pain in the rear! Cheeto, the family cat, is part asian leopard and plans to eat every bird in town. I was part of a five generation family picture years ago. I was the oldest of ten grandchildren. With a large and close extended family, we had many great gatherings and laughs back then. Nobody in the family was divorced, had drug problems, or alcohol problems. Now many have passed and others have moved away. My grandmother died in October 2009 and the family all gathered as a whole for probably the last time since we are scattered as far as CA. We went to my grandmother's first house and asked the owner to let us take a picture. We lined up the ten of us grandchildren on the porch in the same order as we had done in another picture 28 years ago. That was so cool! Yup...I miss the good ole days :)

Go somewhere quiet where we can talk about your little shoe buying problem. Somewhere without any distractions so that you can focus on how it ever got this far. I know...it seemed harmless at first but now look at yourself! Somebody runs a "buy one pair for twice what they are worth and get one free sale" and you gotta have it. You need a fix. I would hope by the end of our first date that you could take the first step by admitting your little problem and hopefully even take the second step and go barefoot for a few minutes.