A Quality Certified pre-owned Man is truly the smart way to find a boyfriend in the new millennium. Have the comfort of knowing your new man has passed a rigorous inspection and certification process, and is covered by a comprehensive Satisfaction Guarantee featuring a money-back guarantee and early return with no penalty if you are not completely satisfied. Available for a limited time only, this lovable Certified Man features an extended 6’3 chassis, custom bodywork from the Addison Athletic Club, rebuilt optics, advanced tread design from K. Cole, stainless instrumentation, contemporary upholstery that changes with each season and occasion, masters programming, and even a little humor.

This Certified Man is best enjoyed by ladies with a lot of intelligence, class and personality, that like to get out for dining, dancing, movies, boating, beach vacations, skiing, swimming, movies, parties, sporting events, and hanging out with friends. …… Further benefits of the Certified Man Program include Date Assistance for a free half hour delay, as well as a Satisfaction Guarantee of three months or 10 dates, whichever occurs first. There are no deductibles and, should your new man break down while you're away from home, you will be provided with meals and taxi for a maximum of 50 miles while repairs are performed. Temporary replacement/loaner men not provided in this program. See the plan document for complete details.

Send me a message if you like spending time on the water, even if boating season is over now. And to you very young girls, I appreciate all the nice messages (it's very flattering), but I don't think we will be a good match if I am old enough to be your father. Oh, if you are just looking for a one night stand, I can find that anywhere - so please don't count on it.

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Custom Mail Settings: (To message CertifiedMan you MUST meet the following criteria.)
Must not smoke.
Must not be married.
Must not be a whiner.
Must not be looking for Other(??)Relationship.
Must not be a slow left lane driver.
Must not be a girl that doesn't own heels.
Must not be a girl that refuses to eat meat.
Must not be a clingy girl expecting 24/7 attention.
Must not be a girl that wears capri pants on a date.
Must not be a girl with more than three pictures of pets.
Must not be a girl that gets mad when I think you live too far away.
Must not be a girl that asks for a shirtless photo on the first message.
Must not be a girl with big poofy hair or curled-under-straight-across bangs.
Must not be a girl that dresses in jeans by day and a ballgown by night and has more than two other cliche lines in her profile.