My mommy thinks I'm special no matter what the other kids say.

If you are still angry about a past relationship, then you are still in it...

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Sometimes when I'm alone I google myself.

I still remember my ex husband's last words to me, "Baby, I don't think the safety is on..."

I never apologize..(I'm sorry but that is just the way I am)

I heard once that best friends can't be lovers, that you have to be one or the other but I have to disagree, it takes a little of both to make it work.I am an enigma wrapped in a riddle, I can be independent and strong but I like a man that likes to take charge when it matters. I am a computer geek I have my own computer repair business but really just a regular person, not a model or a petite, nails and high heels type, not particularly athletic but a great sideline cheerleader,I am exactly as I appear not skinny, not fat just average in size and most times easy to get along with and hopefully lots of fun. If you make someone on the internet out to be something they are not its on you when you are disappointed...I don't think love happens over night I think it takes getting to know someone well and making sure that the scale tips towards more happiness and laughter than sadness and anger a little of both is why we are human, the ability to make the pleasant qualities shine through is what makes us lovers and friends.

I'm lost and have gone to find myself, if I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

I have Deja' Vu and amnesia at the same time....I think I've forgotten this before.

I live in the Kissimmee/s Orlando area and am looking to meet people near that area only without a lot of distance drama.

Please remember that nothing in life is a guarantee and when what you are doing is no longer fun then its time to find something new to do. Keep the complications to a minimum, enjoy people who already have a happy place not trying to find someone to provide it, comes from the inside not the outside, Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body but to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting aww hell what a ride!!! Check the egos at the door not every dog at the pound gets chosen by every person looking for a pet there has to be someone picked last you can only smile and show why that other guy should be him ††

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little....

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
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Contemplate this. You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

The only difference between the people I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.

Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

I feel better after I wine a little.

I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me.

I never watch Sesame Street; I know most of that stuff.

Member of the National Sarcasm Society, like we need your support.

I'd like to give you a going-away present, but you have to do your part.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

It's not whether you win or lose....Its whether I win or lose!

Sorry, but what was the part after "Listen very carefully"?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, just never got around to it.

They say I have A.D.D but I just don't understand, oh look! a kitty!

Q. How many people with A.D.D. does it take to change a lightbulb
A. You wanna ride bikes

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

I have a mind like a....what's that thing called

The other night I laid in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself,
"Where the heck is the roof"
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I'm tired of chasing my dreams, so I am going to just ask them where they are going and hook up with them later...

The only thing a woman should chase....is her vodka.

Please don't take anything on the internet too seriously bruised egos are so unbecoming and such a waste of time only you have to impress yourself when you find others who are impressed with you consider it well deserved and when you don't find someone impressed by you consider it their own personal opinion to which they are entitled and not the whole world's.

I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder.

I read about the evils of drinking beer, so I quit reading.

I bought a twelve pack of beer in a camouflage box and I can't find it anywhere!!

I can drink as long as I STOP at two, okay 2:30 maybe.

I love cooking with wine sometimes I even put it in the food.

You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

Two muffins were baking in an oven and one of them said "Damn its hot in here!" and the other muffin said "Holy Crap! A talking muffin!"

Is it weird in here? Or is it just me.....

If you're in love with a Jersey Girl raise your glass, if not, raise your standards...

I really like cats but I can't eat a whole one.

What has four legs and an arm A happy pit bull.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge say,s "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry standard.
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
There was a guy knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let him out.

You're not a kid anymore when your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make whoopee" and you answer "Pick one, I can't do both!"

Sex is hereditary, if your parents didn't have it, neither will you.

My husband and I were happy for over 20 years -- then we met

Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible.

The first step is admitting you have a problem, the second one is divorcing him.

My husband and I divorced for religious reasons, he thought he was God and I didn't.

Love is grand, divorce is a hundred grand.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Keep talking.....I'm just going to take a little nap.

My mood ring isn't a fashion statement, its a court order.....

I have amnesia, do I come here often

Reach out and touch someone.....no, NOT THERE!

I am not infantile, you stinky poophead