Let's get this right out of the way -- we are all here because we are in any number of the following situations (some of us are probably in all of them...you know who you are...yes, you in the back with the clown wig and leopard print Speedos -- those are mine and I expect you to wash them before you return them!):

1) Tired of "the bar scene."
2) Bored at work.
3) Shy in person but willing to try something new.
4) Horrifically scarred or disfigured.
5) Incapable of speaking in complete sentences to the opposite sex.
6) Just haven't found what we are looking for anywhere else.
7) Lost on a deserted island with nothing but a computer that runs on coconut juice and monkey piss with an impossibly powerful wireless internet connection.

Obviously, there are other, far more deviant reasons why people post, but let's not dwell on the baser nature of human motivation. Sure, we all have needs -- we are human animals after all -- and I'll say right now that sex is one of my absolute favorite things (my appetite has been often described as "insatiable"), but it is our ability to recognize that we have needs far deeper and more meaningful than those purely of the flesh that I like to think separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Clearly physical drive and compatibility are critical elements of a lasting relationship (what's the point otherwise?), but the need for connection and companionship and meaning should often (though not always) far outweigh our primal, more carnal drives.

I am not looking for a wife; I am not looking for a one-night-stand -- I am looking for a partner in crime, a sidekick, a companion, a copilot...the Goose to my Maverick, the Samwise to my Frodo as well as the Lone Ranger to my Tonto, the Batman to my Robin (it goes both ways, ladies...remember that!). If I have a really great first date (and I mean an exceptionally great one) I might kiss you and possibly play with your hair when I drop you off at your door, but that's it. True intimacy, the sort of intimacy I am looking for, should derive itself from an irresistible force between two hearts, two souls, two minds and two bodies -- and it's the kind of thing that takes time and trust to develop. If you are not capable of or interested in truly connecting with someone, if you don't know what I mean when I say that when you truly make love to someone you are in touch with much more than just their body and yours, then you should probably stop reading. Now.

Still here? Interesting....

There is an ages old phrase that you have to "love yourself before you can love someone else." I used to think this was a bunch of self-help dealing****mamie road steamer, but the years and the miles of life have shown me that there just might be more than a nugget of hard, honest truth in this otherwise noisome morsel of fridge magnet wisdom. I am confident and secure; I am comfortable in my own skin; I know what I want and I am not afraid to do whatever it takes to get it; I value my time and my relationships.

I am looking for someone to learn about, to work with, to be comfortable with and to be challenged by.

I am looking for someone to say 'good night' and 'good morning' to.

I am looking for someone to take an afternoon nap on the couch with.

I am looking for someone to laugh with, to dance with, to sing with, to dream with.

I am looking for someone who will give me butterflies in my stomach when I think of her, and whose eyes will light up when she sees me.

I am looking for someone to go running, cycling, rollerblading, kayaking, rock-wall climbing, skiing, swimming, sailing, surfing, sun bathing, snorkeling and skinny dipping with.

The fine print:

~I am built more like a football player than a basketball player; I run 5 miles and lift weights for an hour when I work out, so I am lean and strong -- I don't care if you are under 5 feet or even taller than me. (unlikely) However, women who want to be with someone who can pick them up without groaning, who can make them feel safe and protected, who can carry their heavy boxes and bags, who gives incredible big and warm hugs and who looks terrific in a double-breasted suit will find me to be their "type."

~I lead a very active lifestyle; I am in the gym more days of the week than I am not and I would rather have bamboo reeds rammed under my fingernails than channel surf in front of the idiot box for hours -- I would like to be with someone who can keep up, or (even better) challenge me to keep up with her (couch potatoes need not apply). I am active, athletic and fit and, frankly, I am attracted to the same qualities in a woman.

~I think I am damn good looking -- you should feel the same way about yourself. I'm not interested in being the reason you feel good about yourself.

~I have pets and love them -- if you have issues with cats or dogs, then thanks but no thanks...they are a non-negotiable part of the package with me, baby. My pets were here before you, and they will be here long after you are gone. That said, my pets generally get along very well with other animals, so if you have a zoo of your own that's not a problem for me.

~I work hard and I play hard; I am passionate about my career and I am wholly devoted to what I do. My job is important to me, because I pride myself on doing my absolute best at everything I do.

~I am wildly romantic and intensely passionate -- I want to be with someone who will appreciate and reciprocate (read: initiate) on all levels of intimacy...from holding hands in a movie to finding a dark corner of the room or an open patch of beach to make out in. literally can't keep my hands off of a woman I am close with, and I hope you will suffer the same affliction of "Roman Hands."
~I love my family and my friends and have my own life with them -- you should have something similar that fulfills you. I don't want to be the center of someone's world, and I don't want someone to be the center of mine. We should complement and support each other, fulfill each other in ways that the rest of our lives don't, but I am done with co-dependant relationships.

I guess I am asking a lot and looking for a lot, but I have so much to give that I can't really handle being with someone who doesn't deserve me again (and again and again...been there, done that...haven't we all?). I realize that this post makes me sound like I am extremely full of myself -- I really am not. I am actually a very modest, humble person -- my life and the work I have been doing "on myself" have made me very self-aware. I think it is far more appropriate to place an honest ad than some of the other drivel I have seen men post here.

For the women who have made it this far, I would like to talk to you.
Have a great day.