Listen, I am getting way too many emails on this site from girls who kinda look like penguins. Do I look like some trophy piece of kosher meat for you girls to have your way with? Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of meeting a nice chica. Since I hate bars and clubs, I told this crazy site to find me one with charm, grace, and a nice big…brain. (culinary wizardry a huge +) Actually forget all that other stuff, if you can cook, you’re IN. DO NOT RESPOND if you are any of the following: emotionally unavailable, drama prone, or immature (I will administer spankings). So what makes a woman sexy? That's easy. Do you take my arm as we walk through town? Do you enjoy giving and recieving tons of affection? Do you wear cute outfits for the sole purpose of driving me crazy? If the answer is yes, you need to contact me. I am a gentleman. It's my job to keep you safe, and feeling amazing. My smile will not mislead you. I open car doors. I WILL walk on the outside of the curb so traffic kills me instead of you. Ok, I've said enough. I need to leave a little mystery here. E-mail me. I'm friendly :)

My ideal first date:
One that doesn't involve any surprise peg legs or eye patches.

My perfect relationship:
"perfect"? I've never met her, but I'm sure she cooks, cleans, and gives great backrubs.

Must not do drugs
Must not be married
Must not smoke