Deep as a puddle, and sharp as a spoon. Moved to California over half my life ago, so I guess that makes me fairly native, by now, right? Or adopted, at least.

I work in product licensing, and my job would be the envy of most kids. It doesn't help the peter-pan syndrome that is stereotypically applied (and rightfully so) to most males in LA, but in my case, I at least have an excuse.

Bullet points, GO!-

- I like most animals, and eat very few.

- I have a cat (Kung Fu), who's chubby, and can sit and sit up like a dog. Even if you don't like cats, you'll like him (I know a lot of pet owners say that about their pet, but trust me, he's proven it time and time again.). You'll esp. like his belly flaps.

- I'm an atheist who hopes he's wrong, just so ghosts can really exist. I want magic, too. :(

- Susan Lucci accused me of spitting on her at the daytime Emmys. I really just stuck my tongue out at her.

- I spent a night in jail once, in my early 20s, for lighting off fireworks on the 4th, in OC. I was thrown in a drunk tank, and I wasn't even drunk. It was more annoying than anything, which was incentive enough never to go back.

- I broke my shoulder skateboarding. It was two years ago, and it still bugs me, but not any more than people saying to me, when it happened, "what are you doing on a skateboard at your age?" I'm not THAT old, right?

- I don't think I've ever laughed harder than during my friend's funeral. Not as heartless as it sounds, really!

This is a dumb section, so I'm changing it to what I look for in a girlie:

- you can handle goofy. I get goofy.

- you're at least open to touching my fat p***y. If you've been paying attention, that's not obscene.

- you don't care what I eat, and I won't care about what you eat. Except my omelets. You gotta try one.

- you can do silly things with your hands, tongue, ears, etc. I love dumb human tricks. We can have a dumb-off.