WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION! Obviously this profile isn't for everybody. I know sometimes "less is more" and this is way more than most people will want to read. Sometimes less is not enough. So more or less, this is my ad! I hope at least you are entertained. YES, it is full of humor, sarcasm and cynicism. I'm frustrated with internet dating! If you don’t think we are a match, perhaps you know someone who would be! I just want to “put it all out there” in hopes that someone would relate! I put all my cards on the table, while most people would rather play the "wait and see" GAME; more like "hide and seek!" I've got a great BS detector. I'm an honest, trustworthy, reliable, easy going, casual dress (t-shirt and jeans) guy who enjoys a simple lifestyle. I'm a simple guy (not stupid!) with simple wants and needs. I enjoy the usual stuff most "regular" people do. I am rather quiet and unassuming. I enjoy scenic drives, spirited driving, day rides on my motorcycle (not a Harley, not a biker dude, no bike nights), bbq's, and smaller music venues (jazz, bluegrass, etc.) where you are close to the musicians. I enjoy RV (motorhome) travel/camping, but no longer own one. I'm a bit of an audiophile, more of a "guy thing." I'm not into sports or watching TV. No TV in my bedroom! Romantic as it may sound to you, if you'd rather cuddle up with a good "book" in front of the fireplace on a rainy day or read the Sunday paper in bed, we don't think alike. That would be fine if you are alone though. If I'm REALLY attracted, make the whole day foreplay! :)

I'm looking for a long-term companion and lover. I'm not a rescuer, nor do I need rescuing.

I am Jewish, but not practicing/not religious...and not a typical Jewish male, whatever that is. I don't believe in or follow any religion. I'm more agnostic. Too many people killed over interpretations of "The Bible." I try to live a good, honest life and treat others as I would want to be treated. I believe in Karma, but I'd like to see PROOF one day!

More? Okay! I am NOT as comfortable in a suit...except my birthday suit, not still growing, not articulate, athletic, energetic, classy, evolved, driven, entrepreneurial, cultural, sophisticated, spiritual, a guy with an edge, a good dancer, white collar professional, worldly, well traveled, well educated, well read, or well...ah...never mind. However, I AM a nice guy! (Sh*t! I shouldn't have said "nice guy." I blew it, didn't I?) I've been called "a dear, sweet, cute, adorable man" by someone other than my mom! I’m 5’6” about 160 lbs. I registered at 5'8" just to get my foot in the door. I know women want taller men. It seems ridiculous to let a few inches come between us. I don't think that's what relationships are supposed to be about, are they? I know it's a chemistry thing. I have dated women taller than I am and "it" wasn't a problem for either of us! Sure, I'd prefer a spinner, but there aren't enough of those to go around. I know...bad pun!

Yes, there are many other criteria to limit who you want to meet. You have yours! I have mine! At 50 years old, I've read you want a guy who still has a full head of hair. Well then, I want a 50 year old woman with a natural “C” cup that still does not sag! Reality check? Do you know what package your soul mate (if you believe in that) will arrive in? We all have our "types." I prefer Maryanne to Ginger, Jo to Blair, country girl to city girl. I'm more like Woody Allen than Mel Gibson. I am funny and have a sexual/sarcastic sense of humor. Can ya tell? If that offends you, we won't click. I've had my tubes tied. The hostages are confused. Sometimes I fake my orgasms.

Humans are visual creatures. Post current photos. You looked at my pictures before you read this far, right? I'm looking for a real down to earth person, non pretentious, cute/attractive with very little or no make up... I like real eyebrows (~ ~), not eyebrows by "Crayola" (^ ^), fingernails that won't draw blood when we play, prefer soap and water to perfume. I prefer no large tattoos or weird piercings. You are proportionate...25 lbs. over max, you know if you are, up to size 10 would probably match. Some of that is up to you though! If you weigh more than I do, then please be taller than I am. Be reasonably healthy (we all have problems as we get older, I do), very light or non drinker. I don't like the taste of alcohol. I can live without it! Deal breakers? No 12 step (sorry, BTDT, wish you the best), no drugs, non smoker (anything) no STD's/at risk behavior, no games, and no implants (not intended to offend those who needed reconstruction.) A bit of a tomboy (that does not have to mean masculine or butch) is good too. I'm looking for a sense of humor and minimal baggage. They must be honest, trustworthy, compassionate, dependable, reliable, kind, unselfish, monogamous, and not get "headaches." Since most women are looking for a man who knows how to treat a lady like a lady, I'm looking for a lady who knows how to treat a man like a man! HA! You must have time to HAVE a relationship and WANT one! I refuse to be just a "diversion" from your "busy, hectic life." We're not on the same page in life if you have kids that still need a mommy all the time. Be able to spend the night alone with me sometimes. I like most animals, but prefer dogs to cats. There does seem to be a difference between "dog people" and "cat people" though. Please don't contact me if you live more than an hour drive away. Long distance relationships make it too hard to stop by for..."lunch" (yeah, that's it!)

I have seen a lot of the same faces on various dating sites for quite a few years. I'm not the only one who must think this is mostly a waste of time! I know it's not just "me." This is not as easy as it would seem.

I've been asked, "What do you have to offer in a relationship?" People see us differently than we see ourselves. I asked two of my closest female friends and this is what they wrote;

"I think you have a lot to offer- a smart mind, good wit, friendship, lover, a nice place to hang out at, you enjoy going out to eat, and you are kind and special, supportive, and you are mellow, easy to hang out with, consistent, reliable, and you are good listener, the list goes on. That is what you bring to the table."

Terrie

"Yes, there is more. She left out - loyal, honest, caring, listens to your gut feelings, should say considerate and attentive lover, you most definitely are helpful with emotional, mechanical and stereo equipment, audiophile, you love dogs, you enjoy motorcycle rides, you treat your friends very well, and monogamous (which may be appealing to the right person). That's who you are. You could put in more adjectives (ex: considerate lover not just lover, excellent listener not just good listener...) Need more?

Marsha

It's so hard to hide the disappointment on your face when you are not attracted to your date; a picture only reveals so much. :( But I think we generally know within about 15 seconds if there is some sort of connection, or not. If not, why drag it out? Then the shorter the better! Maybe we'll walk in a circle around each other and sniff each other's butts? A casual meeting for a snack or something not Starbucks. I don't like coffee breath. Maybe pizza or ice cream. I would like to take an easy walk (mall or park) or a drive in the car, and just talk about each other's lives, what brought us to the damn internet dating, how great THAT'S been, etc., not realizing the time of day or night. Of course the perfect date would be one where the mutual attraction is obvious to everyone around us (if we were in a public place, and don't get thrown out) and the date would last a lifetime! (Yeah, I know. Heard THAT before!) If the mutual attraction is there, maybe lots of hugging and kissing. But no matter how hard you try, I will not have sex with you on our first date.

Observations/rant; The "average" person IS a few pounds overweight. I don't have a problem with that. No big deal. "A few extra pounds/curves like a real woman" have turned out to mean obese. I can't go there again. I've tried to and it doesn't work on several levels. Do thin/athletic-toned women secretly wish to be soft and round like "real women?" Supposedly there's someone out there for everybody. That's why we're here looking! LTR needs physical chemistry. Friends, hangout, etc. do not. As we get older, we become more and more picky...and less and less desirable.

One last note; some elusive medical condition has drained a lot of my energy, so if you need to "go, go, go" all the time, then I'm not for you. Are you really on the go, or are you running away from intimacy or something else? This condition is not terminal or contagious and I'm not a mental case! I want someone who will be understanding and compassionate about that. You must like driving and have a vehicle. You should be willing and able to drive up to see me sometimes. I don't want to do ALL the driving as sometimes I know I shouldn't drive. That shouldn't stop us from being together. People always say, "But you look fine!" What more can I say here? I think I covered EVERYTHING! I may have just shot myself in the foot with this, but how is THAT for honesty?? It's a privilege to know me. Are you worthy?

"Read-Deleted" without a common courtesy 5 sec. reply "Sorry, not a match." from you is rude and inconsiderate. No response 3-4 days after reading it? Oh, I got your message. Yep! Either way, I'm better off without you in MY life.