I like to make mountains out of mole hills. I aspire to rule the world. My third nipple makes me unique. I like to listen to Elvis. I miss the days of the cold war. The toothbrush mustache is making a comeback.

I had a dream last night... Ahh... My bellybutton was a Phillips-head screw, and I'm walkin', unscrewin' it, and when I get it unscrewed... my penis falls off... ... Ya know, I pick it up, and I'm holdin' it, and I'm runnin' around, lookin' for the guy who used to work on my Lincoln when I drove Lincolns so he can put it back on... and, ya know, I'm holdin' it up, and this bird swoops down and grabs it in its beak and flies off with it.