Do not let the listing of interests and stats above, fool you into thinking I am the man of your dreams. I am a total loser. I em vary smarte two, reely! I love to play head games (I know how women really love that). I am a total player, I cheat even when I am not seeing anyone! I am also very cruel and like to torture small animals. I lie constantly......or do I? I am no where near "down to earth", I like to keep my head in the clouds at all times (especially in heavy traffic). I take life seriously at all times!!!!!! I am extremely overweight and ugly (I eat my own body weight in food every two hours, and my mom smoked crack while she was pregnant with me). Everyone I know hates my guts, but that is why I am here with all of the other fine specimens of humanity. Sarcasm is pure evil...

About her

I have a list of DEMANDS that must be met!

(1) She must be fat...no, scratch that. She must be morbidly obese...oh yea! She has to be so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs, so fat even her clothes have stretch marks. Now we are talking! Lets face it folks, body type is the number 1 factor in dating...try to deny it. All lasting relationships are based on this.

(2) She must be dumb...really f*cking stupid. You know, the kind of woman that wears a tampon in her ear and can never find her cigarettes, that can't make Jello because she can't fit 2 quarts of water in the box. Nothing in the world is as annoying as having an intelligent conversation with a woman. Thats not what women are for afterall...

(3) She must be ugly. So damn ugly that she could scare the flies off a sh!t wagon, and when she sits in the sand the cats try to bury her! We all know that the body will go at some point, so this is a no brainer. Again, like I said before, it dosent matter what kind of person you are on the inside. Real relationships are based totally on looks. Ask that 43 year old single woman who has no kids and has never been married that lives down the street from you (the one that has 10 cats), she will tell you!

(4) She must write NOTHING about herself in her profile. It's far better to say absolutely nothing at all, and just upload provocative pics. This way the only real reason anyone will write her is for sex. Leaving no indication of who you are weeds out those looking for more than a booty call, why would you seriously want someone to write you that may actually have something in common with you?

(5) She must be a total reject, in every conceivable way! Period.

In conclusion

If you meet my list of DEMANDS you must, I repeat MUST, wait for ME to contact YOU! We all hate women that are willing to go after what they want in life...

Perhaps we can go to a zoo and lovingly throw feces at the monkies for fun, or perhaps, go take a long walk on the beach and romantically carve our names into a beached whale...