I'm a clown .... must like clown's!

I like to laugh, have fun, enjoy life and a friend. Looking for someone who is smart, sweet, fun, funny, sexy, sexual, emotionally available, honest and goofy too! Would like a friend and a bestest buddy!

If the first thing you did after you got divorced was to get a boob job, then don't reply (well ... ok ... I can be flexible on this one!!!)) ... no mirror queens but must be very cute, not look your age and soi-tenly don't act it from time to time.

I'm not a relationship expert but I am a thinker! Here are the top 16 reasons we may not be for each other!!

16. See above

15. See below

14. You are just looking for sex. I am not some piece of man meat to be used for your pleasure. I have feelings too you know!! (hahahaha .. why not ... ya'll put it in your profiles)

13. Just because you ride a bike and I ride a bike it does not automatically make us a match made in heaven

12. You feel the need to send a email addressing each and every point in my profile especially the silly comment about not getting a boob job after your divorce 'cause you didn't need one. Come on now ... most of us are in our 40's .. things are drooping on us all ... so let's be realistic ... besides, it's the imperfections of a woman's body that makes it so damn sexy! Lolololololol ...

11. Tats. For the most part just kind of gross ... just because I ride a Harley doesn't mean my woman has to have them to complete some "picture" ... especially if you have a big ol' one on your boobie and certainly the equally gross tramp stamp. One small tastefully placed one perhaps but otherwise ... kind of gross ...

10. You actually think skinny dipping is a turn-off!!

9. I still have small children (youngest is 8) so if this is a problem for you ...

8. I am diabetic, so if this is a problem for you ... (amazingly, some people actually think diabetes is contagious ... just makes you wonder how some people chew their food without hurting themselves)

7. You have more baggage than Thurston and Lovey on Gilligan's Island

6. All your pictures are from 50 yards away (remember Marla from the movie "A League Of Their Own"?)

5. There are more pictures on your profile of your pets or your vacations then there are of you or they are all group photos so we're not really sure who you are, even your own mother would have a hard time telling or they are 10 year old Glamour shot photos that even Phyllis Diller would look good in or there is only one photo (come on we all have that ONE photo that makes us look like a Hollywood star)or worst of all, all your pictures are of you posing on a webcam (what were you doing on that thing to begin with ... sk ... sk ... skeery!)... speaking of pictures ... you are on a dating site ... if you don't have several pictures posted with your profile and you email me I will automatically delete you without reading it ... experience has told me that those without pictures are either insane or insanely ugly

4. You are so uptight that you would never consider riding braless going down the road on the back of my bike. It's a Harley NOT a Vespa ladies : - )

3. To describe yourself or your date, you actually used the trite phrase that you can "can go from 'casual to formal'" or you want someone who can go from "jeans to a tux" in the blink of an eye. Most of us are adults and can dress for the occasion successfully ... unless of course, someone has scrambled our garanimals tags

2. You are only "friend" cute, not "stranger" cute

And ... the number 1 reason we may not like each other is (insert drum roll here)

1. We just don't like each other !!! ... HA!

This really isn't that hard. It all comes down to a couple of emails, some IM'ing, an agreement to meet and perhaps hanging out a bit.

The reaction will either be "Alllll right!" or "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Holy Mother Of Pearl ... craaaaaaap! Is there an exit next to the restrooms and / or did I tell my kids to call after 40 minutes with an 'emergency'"?

If you don't have the sense of humor to read through this with a smile and a laugh don't bother ... I'm not the clown for you.

Also ... if I have NEVER talked to you or even exchanged a few emails, PLEASE don't put me on your Favorite's list ... kind of wierd ..

Something simple .... if you don't think a DQ dipped cone on the tailgate of a truck in the parking lot could be fun .... then again, not the clown for you ...